Winners “make” it happen, and Losers “let” it happen. When I talk about self-control, I do not mean control over emotions. This misunderstanding confuses many people. They interpret self-control as keeping themselves cool and calm. However, Self-control is a synonym with self-determination. Especially now, I am more responsible for my life than ever. Every decision I make, and every action I take determines the success of my life. Moreover, no one is responsible for my life other than me. I cut loose of every external reason I could blame. But instead, every mistake, it is 100% my fault. Increasing the level of self-control is hard. Because we have no one to blame. And blaming someone else is easier than taking responsibility. However, developing self-control is the most important step towards freedom and power. Here are the reasons why we should develop our self-control and a list of how to develop our self-control.
The Difference Between Winners and Losers
A friend of mine has no self-control and this crystalizes every time we talk with each other. Right now, I am on the curve to success. After 6 months of fighting for survival, I finally see a light at the end of the tunnel. I tried to make a living with this blog and I created a shop to sell bags via dropshipping. However, those two things need a lot of investment. So I reconsidered my strategy and finally found a solution.
I am finally starting as a Freelancer for Webdesign and Web development. For example, a small project earns me 3k Euro/ 3,5k US-Dollar. And a big one is five-time as much. Once I earn myself 150k Euro/ 177K US-Dollar, I will invest in funds and I would live with the interest. With a capital of 150K Euro/177K US-Dollar, the monthly interest would be 6k Euro/7k US-Dollar. The Dream! This is my goal right now. Moreover, at no time like this, I can see success here. I know, I know. There are tons of work and there might be many obstacles along the way. But I am confident that I succeed. Because I know where I am good at and my motivation is unbreakable.
I told my friend about this. But, he laughed at me and shook his head unbelievably. “This sounds impossible!”, “It is not easy as it seems.” and “3k Euro for a website? You are too expensive!” was his first reaction. I can understand that he does not believe me. However, it makes me mad that he still tries to convince me to convert to the conservative way of making money. “If you want to be rich, you have to start working in a company! This is the only proven way.” What a joke.
How self-control can make you a better person
He is the best example of someone with no self-control. Another reason that he has the ‘loser’ mentality, is his acceptance of his ‘fate’. This is the only way he knows and sees and that is why this is the only way it works. Maybe he argues with me because he cannot accept that I might find a better way to live? However, accepting life as it is and having no intention to change your situation is the worst excuse ever.
Summarized, self-control implies freedom. Freedom to choose among the alternatives and shape their destiny. Many of my friends believe in fate. Especially they believe that the universe or the astrological sign determines how their life would turn out. This means that circumstances, predestination, or being at the right place at the right time influence our life. With this in mind, these people are filled with fear and doubt. As a result, they will never make up their minds. Hesitating in indecisions, fear of making the right choice, simply do not achieve their goals. Crucially for success and freedom.
10 Tips on how to develop your self-control
1. Take the blame and any credit for your life
The first step to developing your self-control is to accept every flaw you have. No one is perfect and it is ok. But it is not ok to blame others for your life. And I see this a lot, around my friends and on social media. Everyone blames their parents, politics, and just fate for how they turn out. The beauty of adulthood is the possibility to change yourself how you want to be. Everyone has different cards to deal with. But if my parents who did not know the laws and language of Germany can turn their life around, so can you.
How to develop your self-control tip #1: Accept that your life is a mess because of you and not someone or something else.
2. Use “I have decided to…”
The next step to developing self-control is to change your vocabulary. Instead of saying “I have to…” exchange this with “I have decided to…” or “I want to…”. It might seem small but changing your way of talking has a positive effect on your brain and so therefore your personality. You will start to feel more motivated about all the things you do not like. Moreover, it will positively affect your surroundings as well.
How to develop your self-control tip #2: Start using phrases like: “I have decided to…” and “I want to…” Not only does it helps you develop your self-control. Moreover, it increases your self-confidence as well. Because think it like this, we all have a choice, right?
3. Carry the affirmative motto
Live your life with the affirmative motto: “My rewards in life – will reflect my service and contribution.” Everything you earn must be seen as a result of you. So say, it is right to praise yourself if something good happens. For example, having so many orders is not because I have luck. Firstly, it is because I am charming and I can talk to people. A skill I developed over the years. Nothing to do with being at the right place at the right time. However, if you fail, you have to see this as a result of you, as well. If you go through a break-up, the possibility is high it is your fault as well.
How to develop your self-control tip #3: Carry this affirmative motto with you and you will reflect on yourself even more. A good practice to start taking control of your life.
4. Learn how to relax
Relax, relax more, relax as much as you can. Because relaxing is crucial for your mental health. From time to time, keeping your self-control as strong as possible is exhausting. With this in mind, an active lifestyle demands a high level of brain activity. It is tiring and it must be more clear to relax. There are many ways out there. My favorite one is working out. Reset your brain and fuel it with energy to keep up your self-control.
How to develop your self-control tip #4 Learning how to relax is important to keeping up your self-control.
5. Take actions
I had a potential customer who forgot to call me for making an appointment. He intended to call me. But he never did. After a while, I collect my courage to call him. This simple step earned me 3 projects by now. Two small contracts and a big one. While some projects took time to take off, I did not wait for them to call. Moreover, I just find another potential customer. Do not wait for an opportunity to succeed.
How to develop your self-control tip #5 Take action as soon as possible. Because no one will bring you success directly to you. You have to be eager to work as much.
6. Action TNT
Live by the motto – Action today not tomorrow. The best time to deal with nasty tasks is as soon as you wake up. The willpower and energy are the strongest after you wake up. In the best case, it is early in the morning. My routine consists of working out at 5/6 am and after breakfast, I would check my emails, and my orders, and answer all bureaucracy stuff.
And then finally, I can enjoy the rest of the day. Writing blog posts or working on my projects.
How to develop your self-control tip #6: Do nasty stuff as fast and soon as possible. Live by the motto Action today, not tomorrow.
7. Sit down and create your horoscope
To grow you need to know your strengths and flaws. Who are you? What defines you? And more importantly, where are your flaws? Many of our flaws are shaped by the environment we live in. Someone might have an abusive father or a drug-addicted mother or even both. Children of these parents have it harder in life. First, they do not know love, appreciation, or peace. And they turn out to be a pain in the ass of society. Many of my female girls confront me with tolerance. “Yeah, it is not his fault he is an asshole.” I partly agree with it. You might have a bad start in life. But it is no excuse anymore if you enter adulthood or if you even hurt people with it. Self-awareness is another post to talk about it.
Once you realize you are not the best version of yourself, find a role model. Who do you admire? What are the traits you always want to have? Start asking it yourself.
How to develop your self-control tip #7 Sit down and create your horoscope. Start to find desirable traits and slowly work towards them.
8. For the next 30 days, go all in
Whatever you have as your current job. For the next 30 days, start to give all you got. Remember that your job does not give a fuck about you – and the other way around. But only you can take initiative to give your job what it has deserved all along. Dedicate yourself for only a month, not a lifetime. Give maximum effort to your job, company, routine, and service to others. At the end of that time, you will find yourself renewing your dedication for another month.
How to develop your self-control tip #8 Give maximum effort to your current life and you will discover new possibilities in life.
9. Invest in your skills and development
To see all options for your decision-making, you need to know these options first. What can you do? What are the options we can choose from? Are there other possibilities? A wider number of choices means a bigger general knowledge. As we grow and encounter obstacles we discover many different approaches to them. For example, you will deal with problem A different now than 5 years ago. Because you know it better. To speed up this development, you must invest in your skills and development. Take courses and read a lot of books.
How to develop your self-control tip #9 Invest in your skills and development to widen the options for your decision-making.
10. Set your alarm a half-hour earlier
Wake up 30 minutes earlier and enjoy this extra time. For example, use this time to collect yourself. Think about what you can do this day and prioritize your daily tasks.
How to develop your self-control tip #10 Take the time to think about your upcoming daily tasks.
Summary – How to develop self-control
To summarize, the people who live by external factors lack self-control over their lives. Like zombies, they “live” somehow. Exhausted after work. Bounded by responsibilities and duties they do not want. Living the same life for several years. Honestly. Who wants a 9-to-5 lifestyle? Some of you might argue that this is life. And that there is no way around it. Because you are forced to do it. Do you have to go to work? No, you don’t. You can stay in bed. Do you have to eat? No, you don’t. You can starve and eat when you need it. Do you have to help others? No, you don’t. Break free of this reciprocity effect and only help when you want to.
In many ways, having full control of your life makes you a stronger person in general. For example, people who blame their boss, education, luck, or whatever, are people no one wants to be with. Moreover, it makes them weak and in my eyes not human beings. A strong person is not someone who can dominate his friends and his environment. Moreover, a strong person has full control of life. Less complaining like a little bitch, make more active decisions, and make impossible things possible. This is and will be a strong trait everyone should develop.