Every man has one in common which is present throughout every age, social status, and nationality, to be the knight in white armor, similarly, to be the hero, who can solve everything.
As a result of this egomaniac thinking, showing their vulnerability or their inability to solve problems, damages the white knight image of a man. To prevent the fully exposed weak man, they created a place where they can hide their damaged ego or think about present problems. The Cave is created, a place where men withdraw and repair their armor. You can see men going to his cave when men become silent.
Today, I will explain the usage of the cave, why men retreat in the cave, and how you can deal with it.
Problem + their cave = Men become silent
In my previous post, I talked about how men will pull away from you emotionally from time to time. In addition to the intimacy cycle, men become silent all of sudden. Which means that they pay no attention to anything. This occurs, when a difficult task is not solved yet, or he is just stressed out from the day. If he can solve the problem he is exaggerated and leaves his cave, fine. If not he distracts himself from problems. Further, by disengaging himself from daily problems, like watching TV or playing video games, he can finally relax and forget about everything
Men love solving problems, by doing that, they feel like a hero for themselves or the ones who asked for their help. Moreover, a man will never talk about their problems, instead, they withdraw to their private cave and try to find a solution. They do not want to talk about their problems because they do not want to be a burden to another unless a person could solve their problems. But mostly they stay silent.
Burned by the Dragon
Women need to understand, that men are leaving you to his cave, become silent, or stops talking if he is upset. You have to understand that no one is allowed in his cave, not even their partners or best friends. In addition, most women feel guilty because they think their partner’s silence is her fault. Moreover, letting their partner to the caves feels like abandoning him. A golden rule for the ladies is never to abandon a friend if she is upset. Instead of leaving him alone in his cave, women assume to release his upset by asking him a lot of questions on how he feels and be a good listener, then he would feel better. But this would upset men even more. Women treat their men like they want to be supported. Good intention but it is sadly counterproductive.
A typical conversation …
Many unnecessary conflicts happen when a woman follows him to his cave. Women just do not understand that men need to go to their caves. To understand what is happening she naturally tries to bring him to talk. Luring him out of the cave and let him talk is a natural concept for a woman to support men.
She: ”What’s wrong?”.
He: “Nothing”. He is in his cave right now.
She intentionally feels his upset and does not understand why he is holding back how he feels. Consequently, she asks again: “I know there is something wrong. How do you feel?”.
He: “I said it. It is nothing! Now leave me alone!”
Escalation from both sides.
She: “How can you treat me like this! I want to help you and you treat me like this you [insert your favorite curse word]!”
At this point, he loses control and his inner dragon comes out and burns her.
What to do when a man goes into his cave
As you can see, women want to know how they can shorten the cave time. Because they think talking about their problems will make the man feel better, but it does not. The more the woman tries to get them to talk or come out, the longer it takes. As a result, making him feel wrong being in the cave will push him even more back in the cave. Try these tips, to avoid unnecessary fights.
- Do not disapprove of his need to withdraw
- By offering a solution you can make is cave presence even longer
- Do not wait at the entrance of the cave.
- Do not ask about his feelings.
- Really important to not feel sorry or worry about him. Men think like this: If we can not solve the problem how can we dare to stand by your side?
- Do something else. Give yourself a good treat.
- Do not feel bad to go to the cave. It is necessary for you to retreat. Do you want to be energized and full of power again? Go to the cave sometimes
- The cave can be in various places: Working out is a good activity for caving. Set a day for you alone, for me, it is Sunday where I do whatever I want without responsibilities for others.
- To prevent conflicts, tell that you want to be alone and that you will answer later to this problem. Prevent with all costs talking when you are upset, you may regret it later.
Summary – Why men become silent- Men and their caves
All in all, it is typical and totally normal if men become silent and inattentive. When he does not pay attention to anything at all, it means he is upset or is in the process of finding a solution. In addition, by interrupting his process of caving, you will extend his stay even longer. I hope, I revealed some of a man’s true nature.