A year ago, I wrote an article about motivation. In this article, I explained how everyone can be motivated instantly. In short, just by doing the first step, motivation will come automatically. With this simple rule and a deeper explanation of the psychological reason, I gave you a brief introduction to this topic. However, after a year, I found out that motivation or self-motivation has a much more complex process. Later on, I will show you 10 tips on how to develop a strong desire.
Motivation without Desire is a wasted one
First of all, self-motivation is self-explained. Motivation must come within yourself. And no one can ever or should never be your source of motivation. And I witness the damage of these cases when you have no self-motivation.
I have a friend at my Starbucks who works as a barista. In the beginning, the customer could tell that this guy was not motivated to work there. He always looked tired. His attitude changed dramatically when he started to ask what I was doing here. I told him that I work on my blog, online shop, and freelancer activity. Therefore, I told him about my dreams of financial independence. He was amazed and started with programming.
So, after every shift, he took his Macbook and sat beside us, and worked for his dreams. Everything would be fine. However, I started to see his true source of motivation. Instead of my motivation which is driven by my desire to enjoy life to its fullest, his motivation is our friend.
Because this friend is successful in what he does. Good at programming and this pays his bills. And the barista is amazed by it. In other words, my friend the barista only shows up when our friend is here as well. But he will never work on his “dreams” alone. I bet that if this friend disappears his dreams will disappear as well.
Motivation should never be an external factor
Neither a person like your partner or friend nor the success of someone else. Just because someone did it successfully does not mean you can do it. But if you believe that and only see the reward of it, motivation will disappear after the first obstacle.
Furthermore, motivation should not be based on another person. A friend of mine wanted to quit smoking because his girlfriend did not like it. He told himself that smoking is unhealthy and that by quitting he would save money. Great motivations. However, his reason to quit was his girlfriend. After they broke up, guess what? He smokes again.
10 Tips on how to develop a strong Desire
1. Immediate Action
“Just Do-Something” is my #1 Rule to motivate myself every day. I always start with the tasks I have the most fun with. For example, today I created my business card for my Freelancer work. It is fun. First, because I see myself a step further toward my dream. Even though it is a small and more importantly trivial task, I was satisfied to see that I finally ordered 250 pieces. With one completed task, I head to the next task. I start writing this article. After that, I will create some Webdesign-Templates for my portfolio. So potential customers can have a look at my skills.
The “Just-Do-Something” seems to be a simple rule. But this rule has a different effect on our circle of motivation. Read more in detail about this in this article.
10 Tips on how to develop a strong desire: #1 Start right away and “Just-Do-Something”.
2. Change your vocabulary
Replace “try” with “will” in your daily vocabulary. This will ensure that your attitude will change immediately. Because “try” has a built-in excuse at the beginning. While using “try” our brain will unconsciously calculate failure in the actions we do. In other words, we will never do something 100%.
Instead using “will” not only show outsiders our confidence but also push us to the limits.
Do or Do not. There is no try. -Yoda
10 Tips on how to develop a strong desire: #2 Eliminate “try” and replace it with “will”.
3. Remember why you started
It becomes more regularly that I wake up during sleep with tears in my eyes. Because I dream of many bad scenarios that could happen to me. Even though I know it is just caused due to exhaustion, I can’t help myself. The helplessness and sorrow sometimes overwhelm me. At this point, I wanted to throw everything away. And become who I used to be. Throwing away my effort, the things I learned, and all the advice and support from my beloved ones.
But I never did. Because I remembered why I started.
Pain is the best teacher
I cannot believe that my last relationship is two years ago. And I am grateful that I have never had one since then. Because I learned a really important lesson. No matter who they are, no one is worthy enough to change your goal and desire for them. When I invested a lot into that relationship, I thought, yes she is the one and this is my goal. When it ended, it fired back and all the effort was lost.
I was angry when it ended. Not at her, moreover, at me. Why did I invest so much in a person? It did not pay off and all future relationships will never be 100% worth it. Because I know that I will lose myself, my goals, my desire, and my personality. I wrongly invest my energy and time. This is one of the sources of my desire. I will never invest in someone, only myself.
To heal me, I will live life to its fullest. Be more selfish and take everything this world offers me. And wherever I am in the future, I will remember why I started.
10 Tips on how to develop a strong desire: #3 Remember the reason why you want to change and the pain you want to prevent. This is a great source of desire.
4. Make a list of your most desires
Make a list of five of your most important current wants or desires, and right next to each…put down what the benefit or payoff is to you when you achieve it. Look at this list before you go to bed each night and upon awakening each morning.
10 Tips on how to develop a strong desire: #4 Remind yourself about your most important desires every day.
5. Seek and talk in person
Finally, you have a goal and the desire to achieve it. But where do you start? Who can teach you to become what you want to be? No one. Only yourself. In our time, getting information is much easier than before. Youtube, for example, has a lot of tutorials for everything. This is the first step you have to take to start properly. And soon, you will encounter a lot more obstacles. However, all the obstacles you undergo were experienced by others beforehand. So, even looking for a solution is easy.
But there comes a time when even the internet could not help you. Here you need an expert. For an instance, I was lucky to find an expert one year ago. The first project for financial independence was this blog. I started to visit Starbucks daily. There I found someone who has helped me a lot since then. And I cannot be more grateful than that. Every time I felt down or insecure he helped me up, showed me how to deal with it, and insert some suggestions to boost my business.
If you have a small amount of desire and a plan, start to find your expert. And I believe most of them are eager to help. Imagine where most of the expert is and try to hang out at their spot. Be curious and ask innocently what they doing and bam connection is made.
10 Tips on how to develop a strong desire: #5 Even though, the internet is full of tutorials, there comes a time. A time where all of us need and tutor or an expert. Not only do they help you with your hard skills but they even help you mentally.
6. Create a habit
Creating a habit is easy. Do something for 3 months straight and it will be part of you. With a solid, strong habit you can reach anything with time. For example, I am so often at Starbucks that the employees see me as one of them. I know all their names and they know my typical order.
But what does a habit have to do with desire? Everything. Once you feel the urge to do something it is equal to desire. In other words, my family and friends are sometimes worried that I overdo what I do. They see me that I am every day at Starbucks working from 12 a.m. – 9 p.m. And I indeed feel exhausted most of the time. However, they are confused between a sick desire and a solid habit. I see myself working at Starbucks as a habit. I can not take a break 2 days in a row until I feel the urge to go back to work. Not because I am obsessed, but I am just used to it.
10 Tips on how to develop a strong desire: #6 Creating a habit is easier to develop your desire. Because you will put less energy to bring yourself to do the things you desire. The difference between habit, addiction, and desire is small and it depends on the view of each one.
7. Paint a picture of your achievement
In other words, daydreaming. Every successful human being starts with daydreaming. Daydreaming about where he is going to be. Maybe a rockstar, a CEO, or with the partner of his dreams? The important part is to feel the imagined success as well.
For example, I do this when I am in bed. Imagine my future and my success. When I wake up I feel much more empowered to finish tasks. That is the reason why many people want to change their life at 2 a.m.
10 Tips on how to develop a strong desire: #7 The first step to developing a desire is to paint a picture of your achievement and feel them.
8. Don’t take counsel from your fears
Every time I launched a project, I was anxious. It happened when I launched my blog, my online shop, and when I had my first client.
For instance, there was a time when I post my new articles on my Instagram page of Please-Your-Mind. But I stopped 5 months ago due to fear. One time a friend asked me why am I daring enough to write about relationships even though I never had a successful one. In other words, you must have it before you can teach others about it. I felt insecure and stopped because of it. Just because of fear that someone else would say the same. Later, I realized how stupid I am. In many other cases, people like you read my blog not because of how successful I am. Instead, many people are interested in how I became like this and the journey I am going on, and all the mistakes/lessons I gained through it. Thank you for that <3
With fear, we become less driven and it shows immediately. It is difficult to behave objectively. So, take this advice to your heart. Do not take counsel from your fears and be brave.
10 Tips on how to develop a strong desire: #8 Fear will break you and prevent you from your goal. Never act because of fear.
9. No Escape-Route
Once you cut off the escape route, the only way is forward. I used this psychological trick at the beginning of this year. In other words, I left a big company with a good salary to achieve my goals. Not only is this a bold step but considered by my friends as “stupid”. After becoming a freelancer, I realize one huge change. My desire developed. I become obsessed with the idea of financial independence.
Part of the desire was forced due to cutting all of the escape routes, and the other part was already established years ago. However, by going this way I had no other choice but to go on the path I set myself. This is one possibility and to be honest a quite extreme one. You do not have to take this step. But I can ensure you this step will work 100%.
10 Tips on how to develop a strong desire: #9 Cut all the escape routes and plan B. This way you will make sure that your focus is spot on. And as a result. Your desire will burn within you.
10. Be Dissatisfy with the Status Quo
Before anything else, to develop a strong desire we must be dissatisfied with the status quo. And this simple rule applies to all of us. We only change if something went wrong, we could do better or we are simply dissatisfied. If we do not feel a small feeling of dissatisfaction, no book, no pep-talk, nothing will ever motivate us.
But before we are dissatisfied with life, we need to learn what satisfies us. I know a lot of people who will always remain the same. Just because they are happy with life. And they will never change it. There can be many reasons for it. Either they do not know what to do in life or they deny that their life is unhappy.
10 Tips on how to develop a strong desire: #10 Learn how to be and be dissatisfied with life.
Desire and Fear
Two key emotions dominate human motivation with opposite but equally effective results – desire and fear. Fear is the most powerful negative motivator. In addition, it is a great compeller and a great inhibitor. In other words, fear restricts, tightens, panics, forces, and ultimately scuttles plans and defeats goals. Desire, on the other hand, is like a strong, positive magnet. It attracts, reaches, opens, directs, encourages plans, and achieves goals.
Fear and desire are poles apart and lead to opposite destinies. Summarized you can say: Fear looks to the past – the desire for the future.
Example: Motivated by Fear
When I was in school, my life was defined by fear. Fear of failure in particular. Therefore, I picture myself in scenarios where I fail miserably. It did not matter how trivial it is, this feeling always followed me. In school, in sports, or in a relationship, it did not matter. I never started because of fear. But if I had to, I forced myself. As mentioned above, fear is a great motivator. However, my mind was filled with negative emotions. And this is reflected in my behavior.
The reason for this is that I always looked back at my past. In other words, I did not want to repeat my mistakes. If we look at this separately, it is a great reason. But, this thought manipulated me to an extent of paralysis. I did not even try. Even though fear is a great motivator, it is self-destructing as well.
Example: Motivated by Desire
Everything is changed now. Instead of fear, desire is my new motivator. And this can be seen every day. Friends are still surprised if they meet me at my Starbucks. Maybe they cannot believe how motivated I am. But contrary to my childhood, my motivation lies in the future, not in past failures. Every time I sit from the morning until closing hours, with my eyes sleepy, I always ask myself: Why do I put myself into pain and fatigue?
The answer is easy: for my future me and my future family. All the things I do: from writing posts, research about freelancer work, or how to improve my businesses to learning a new program language – is for my future. And here comes the psychological aspect of it. You can endure it once you know for whom you are working. Or in other words, my desire is that emotional state between where I am and where I want to be. For this small chance of could-be, I risk a lot of time and my energy.
When fear motivates my actions to prevent repeating failures, desire motivates my actions to create a better future. Furthermore, every small success created by desire is addicting to make new experiences.
Summary – 10 Tips on how to develop a strong Desire
Desire is fundamental for everything. Motivation, discipline, and habit all are born from desire. In whatever you do with a strong desire you are undefeatable. The 10 tips on how to develop a strong desire are just advice. The best teachers to force you to change are still heartbreaks, empty pockets, and failures. And everyone experienced these at least once. I advise you to analyze these failures and learn from them. The most important part is to channel this pain into desire. Do you want to break again/alone/fail again? I see many people who rush these things. Most of them never even try to learn or cover themselves with another misstep.
Calm down from time to time and reflect on who you want to be. Because when something went wrong more than one time, properly it is your fault. Create a desire to change yourself and be humble.