My female friends trust me a lot, to an extent that they trust me with their last hookups, embarrassing missteps, and overall everything that makes them sad. As an amateur therapist, I always keep the session professional. In other words, I never let my opinion flow in the decision making, I ask specific questions regarding their emotions and the motivation of their actions. Furthermore, I also ask open questions to encourage them to think. And with these steps, I lead them to let them find their answers. However, I heard a shocking story from a friend that confirmed, in my point of view, why there are more hookups than relationships.
A Shocking Revelation
So this friend has really high standards when it comes to men. He must be tall, ambitious, funny, and should live on his own. Common standards when you ask me. However, lately she hookup with a guy. I was shocked. More importantly, I had many questions. The first question was: “Why do you even hookup?” Her answer: gaining experience. And that is one of the stupidest things I ever heard. Based on this logic, we all should try heroin and cocaine to gain experience. I asked further: “Why do you hook up with him when he was not your type?” Her answer: “He seems nice.” At this point, I lost words. In fact, I just lost my mind, and to be honest I am a little disappointed in her.
In this case, it is different from all the other sex stories I heard from my friends. Because I expect this specific friend to have high standards. Why did she fall so low? And yes, there is a difference between a guy who has a lot of partners vs a girl’s body count.
A lot of Sex-partners: Man vs Woman
First of all, a guy needs to be somehow attractive, successful, or confident to even be considered to be a hookup. A girl did not need any kind of that. Not even appearance. She just needs to be there. Second, the motivation for hooking up is different in most cases. Biologically, a guy with a lot of partners increased that his genes will survive. Considering that, his system rewards such kind of behavior. And the environment mostly rewards it, too. If they do it because of their sexual needs or solely because he can. In eyes of women less attractive. But by his bros, he will be seen as a hero. I do not think women would do that. Except they got a really hot boy. But not in terms of a simple hookup, moreover, on keeping him at her side in form of a relationship.
However, I asked many women who hookup with many guys. There are two reasons for doing this. First, it is solely based on sexual needs. Fight me but I think it is an excuse for the second reason, looking for intimacy because they cannot get it otherwise.
People who replace their needs for intimacy with cheap hookups are worthless
Many of my friends solely choose to hook up because of their needs. Not of their sexuality, moreover, it is because they feel lonely and they cannot endure it anymore. In both cases either sexual desire or intimacy, my friends are not of high value. In lesser harsh words, they are satisfied with lesser things than they deserve. Because most of them are looking for a replacement for a relationship. And how pathetic is this? Giving up on finding the one and sleep with someone because you desperately need someone to “cuddle with”. I cannot describe in words how disappointed I am in such behavior. This includes guys as well. A guy who sleeps around because he misses his ex-girlfriend is as pathetic as these girls.
I don’t care what they do, really. Furthermore, it does not affect my friendship with them. This section has the only purpose to explain why men with many partners have a better reputation than women with many partners.
So, we roughly got an idea of why there are more hookups than relationships. But why is it that way? Why can’t women find a partner for a relationship? And the other way around? Here are some answers to the view of economics, society, and my experiences.
Universities are changing the Dating market
Simply there are way more “aimless men” and “women who overvalue themselves”. This is the reason why there are more hookups than relationships. Let me explain it with an example.
Most of my guy friends do not have a university degree. Like me, they gave up mid-terms for many reasons. Some do not like studying at all because it is too theoretical for them. Others did not find a suitable study for themselves. No matter the reason, there are more bachelorettes than bachelors. But these reasons are not breaking news. And in the past, there are still more bachelors than bachelorettes.
Why there are more Bachelorettes than Bachelors
There are two reasons why many guys do not study anymore. First, there is no need to have a high paying job. Back in the ’60s and beyond, the task of a guy is to provide for his family. Mostly through money. With the shift in our modern society, there is no need anymore. Why does a guy have to get a high paying job, especially if he doesn’t love the job? So, young male adults are thinking about that. “I can do whatever I want it does not matter if a have a high salary or not. There is no urge to study or no urge to finish.” The second reason, men do not play a game they cannot win.
Back in my childhood, I almost had a fight with a girl. And I cannot win this. Not because of strength, moreover, about the morale, I was confronted with. They were 2 possible outcomes. If I win and beat this girl up, people would shame me: “Why could you even hurt a girl? You are not a man! Shame on you and your ancestors!” But if I lose, people would make fun of me that I lost to a girl: “HAHA you lost to a girl!” No matter what I would do I lose. So, I retreat and do not even try to fight. This logic is similar to today’s university situation. If I would make a bachelor it does not matter because it is expected from me. If I failed, I would be because a girl did it. Another unconscious reason why men are leaving university.
Girls are more careful about their careers and I admire their discipline to make it happen. Almost all of my female friends have a bachelor’s. However, with the increasing female graduates and the decreasing male graduates, the dating market is highly affected by it. In short, society develops further but not conversation needs.
A Shift in the Pyramide
Society is changing. And I wished humans’ dating requirement is changing with it. But it does not. While there are more female employees in a high position in a company than before, the conservative standards of men and women remain the same. Let me explain it with these two graphics.
This was the general situation for dating in the ’60s. In general, men date below them, and women above them. Which means a male CEO has much more option to date. Just based on his position, status, and power. On the other hand, a female CEO has almost no option. Both examples assuming dating inside the same company. As you can see, there are two groups left. Powerful female CEOs and weak male interns. In this case, they would date someone outside the company. A male intern would date a female student or much more below. A female CEO would date chairmen or heirs of a company or something like that. This behavior is still present today.
It is still legit that men date below, and women above men. However, with the shift in the number of graduates, the competition is much harsher for all. Equally women and men have difficulty finding, in their eyes, a suitable partner. It becomes a huge problem nowadays. With the increasing bachelorettes and decreasing bachelor’s, bachelorettes have trouble finding someone above them. Not to mention that even many women have relatively high expectations even though, they cannot offer something in return. While men have more trouble dating someone below them because there are so few.
It can be so easy
These explanations sound shallow and sexist. But in general, society pushes to destroy this old way of dating. It encourages women to have a high position in their careers. Nothing wrong with it. I support every individual to do what they want to do. Go for it. But it does not fit. People want to live in modern times. But they want outdated dating. This is the real crime behind dating and it does not go well into each other.
Dating would work if men and women are not so narrow-minded. Men can date someone above them. As well, women can date below them. If everyone thinks like this, there would be no more hookups and more relationships. But it is impossible. Men are seen as useless if they cannot give value to a women’s life. Here I mean in terms of money, power, and status. This is rooted deep in our brains. Otherwise, why should women date someone below them? If a woman can do everything, a man is overrated.
Why there are more hookups than relationships – Aimless Men
Let me make it clear once and for all. Men will never be loved unconditionally. For one simple reason. If a man cannot provide money to his family. He is useless. No matter how much some of you deny it, a man must have money to be considered being a potential husband or father. “Having a lot of money” sounds harsh. That is why many women describe it differently. They looking for men with goals. Someone who could lead them in times of need. At best, men should lead all the time. It is just the truth a man without ambition or at least a job cannot be seen as a potential lifetime partner.
Why are there fewer men with goals? That is partly true. There are lesser men with goals who are considered admirable. Many of my male friends set their goals on pleasing or finding a partner. Looking at this isolated is an admirable goal. Everyone needs and deserves love. However, when you focus on that instead of turning around your life, you will make yourself pitiful. I know many guys who jump from relationship to relationship. Discarding all the things they actually should work on, career. They are standing where they are years ago. But they have time to woo a girl. Looking at this makes me vomit and I pity them. Because I know it does not matter how much they put effort into it, they will break up soon. Like their past relationships, they will argue because these men have no goals at all.
I blame here the movie industry. Making so many movies about the one perfect girl, so the guy needs to do everything to impress her. Putting a girl as the most important aspect of men’s life will end cruelly for him. Moreover, believing that a woman fulfills a men’s life is everything. This is also called simping. Overvaluation of a girl. Doing everything to impress her and even reward her for bad behavior. This behavior negatively affected many young boys and is damaging more than at first glance. By concentrating more on their love lives men forget their goals and purpose in life. They become less ambitious. And many women who want to set down are not a fan of it.
In many many cases, my friends broke up because of that. And I see many couples today who are fighting because of that. I cannot count it with my hands on how many couples are struggling with that. “Men have no goals anymore” – is the top reason for many women to break up. And I give them the right to do it. It is legit. If women do everything: making money, raising kids, and giving birth. A guy is useless. Because of the increasing weak men, women become more independent. A good thing to be honest. But dating-wise, it is not.
Why there are more hookups than relationships – Women who overvalued themselves
As mentioned above, there are more strong and independent women than ever. On one hand, there is more freedom for women to choose their career path. In addition, most women have a bachelor’s because of their natural character of carefulness. This has a positive effect on their career. On the other hand, most women are forced to step up because of so many aimless men.
I mentioned earlier, that many strong women will have a negative dating experience. Let erase one thing first. Men do not hate strong women. Most men do not care if women earn more than men. What they are fed up with is the consistent judgment and justification women bringing up with. Because many women earn so much, most women brought a dominant aspect with them. Most of the time, men compete for resources, money, jobs, and when single for women. But if they come home and they must compete with their partners, it is just too much.
Overvaluing of themselves
Another reason why there are more hookups than relationships is the overvaluation of themselves. I am talking about the overload of compliments and attempting pickups many women experience every day. As I mentioned in a blog post, overloading a woman with compliments will backfire. Because of the simps who do everything for a girl’s attention, many girls I know misunderstand it with actual interest. Let me explain.
Many women are thinking that these compliments on an Instagram post or Direct Messages from guys mean that these guys are interested in her relationship-wise. Falsely, they think that they can easily be in a relationship whenever they want. But listen up girls, just because guys text you, it does not mean they want to commit to you. Most of the time, they just want to have sex with you and move on. Be careful, reconsider, and be clear about what your worth actually is. This is a dangerous misconception which you will pay a high price later on, or even now.
Stop shaming Golddiggers
Another point what many girls are shaming girls who are “golddiggers”. And blaming women for the mistake of weak men is unfair. Women who are looking for emotional and financial security in a partner is natural in my eyes. And men who mark them as money-driven bitches just fail to deliver what a man needs to do, provide, and protect. In addition. everyone, even among women, everybody shames these “golddiggers”. Instead, they are convinced that you must be successful to date even successful men. But this is wrong on so many levels. No guy looks at the success of a woman at first. Just because you are attracted to certain traits does not mean you must possess these traits.
Summary – Why there are more hookups than relationships
Summarized, there are two reasons why there are more hookups than relationships. Aimless men and women who overvalued themselves.
Why there are more hookups than relationships – Reason #1: Aimless Men
It all begins with aimless men. Aimless men are the beginning of this problem. Due to many factors, if it is because of society or lesser male graduates, there are more and more aimless men than ever. In my circle of friends, there are lesser men who strive for bigger things than themselves. Instead, they put all their energy into finding a woman. However, they forget or ignore the fact that working on their goals is the crucial factor to be chosen. In the previous post, I described that I felt uneasy about men solely concentrating on women.
This is the reason. Men who rather learn to speak to women, or to meet more women instead of working on themselves are the source of this whole misery. And once they are in a relationship, they will break up soon due to his lack of ambition. So these aimless men are either concentrating on hookups or they will break up soon because of their aimlessness. Because in the end, to bind a woman to him he needs to offer things in return. Provide and protect, and offering to one trait, strength. Aimless men are the first reason why there are more hookups than relationships.
Why there are more hookups than relationships – Reason #2: Women who overvalued themselves
Consequently, aimless men are more concentrating on wooing girls and giving women a lot of attention. Falsely, women misunderstand sex requests with commitment from a guy. Paired with the psychological mindset of dating above you, many women are overvaluing themselves. The crucial problem lies in the conservative mindset. All of these factors combined, overload of compliments, a high position in a company, most women are thinking they only deserve the best. The problem, there are really few “dateable men”. Have luck competing with 80% of women who are thinking they deserve the top 10% of men.
Hooking up because of Frustration
This is the reason why there are more hookups than relationships. People are unable to commit to someone who, in their eyes does not deserve them. Men and women alike. Frustrated by not finding the one, many people are escaping to dating apps. And there, they look for some kind of intimacy. Fast hookups, 5 minutes cuddle, and a bad feeling are the constant followers of so many people. Like my friend, she is also single for three years. Maybe she is frustrated and gave up?
Read this article carefully. And I know how hard it can be. Sometimes I am lonely as well. But we need to endure it, and we should never be overpowered by our animal instinct. Rather alone than being a replacement, right?
Basing on all these reasons why there are more hookups than relationships, I am done with relationships and dating in general. In the next post, I will describe it more in detail and I will also explain why I am biased about relationships.