When my mother and my father met, they were two youngsters who do not have money or the necessary paper to stay in Germany. Both fought hard to stay here and besides, they have to raise me and my brother. We were toddlers back then and could not help anyway. Over the years, our life becomes more secure. We moved to Berlin, had a flat to live and my parents finally got their residency permit. So they opened a small restaurant to build upon wealth. 10 years later they had enough money to buy an even bigger restaurant. I thought life was beautiful and finally, we can start living, without worrying about money. Through the years, her mood changed constantly. So, why does women’s mood change so often?
Somehow, my mother was not happy. She complains, even more, about what a hot-headed my father was, about our relatives in Vietnam who now want our financial help, or how lazy teens she had given birth to. We, father and sons, did not understand her at all, we categorized her as a greedy woman who is never satisfied.
Years later, when I read John Gray’s book about women, I finally understand, that a woman’s mood changes. And that is common.
Women are like waves
Women have strong emotions in any way if it is negative or positive alike. This is the reason why women have a better memory than men because women connect memory with a certain emotion. Make her happy and she will recall all events connected with this emotion.
In addition to this trait, a women’s mood rises and falls regularly. In one moment women can hug the whole world and in another second they can burn down the world, or fall deep into depression.
We witness these, don’t we? My mother, for example, sometimes loves us tremendously, she asks what we like to eat, sometimes cuddles(I am 25 now) with us, or asks if we need new clothes. On the other hand, she also destroys my self-esteem and pride and takes everything which I am proud of.
The reason for women’s change of mood depends on where she is on the wave.
A woman’s self-esteem rises and falls like a wave. When she hits bottom it is time for an emotional housecleaning.
Simply expressed, if a woman feels loved and is happy, at the top of the wave, she gives love and support.
If she is hurt or is depressed, at the bottom of the wave, she demands love and support.
A woman’s ability to give and receive love is generally a reflection of how she feels about herself.
A small but significant difference.
At the breakdown of the wave where she is not feeling good about herself, she is unable to receive and give love. At this time she is often overwhelmed or emotionally reactive. If she is down, she is vulnerable and NEEDS MORE LOVE than ever. And men need to understand this.
When men confront the breakdown, they take this personally and categorized this as a problem. As a result, men are going to their cave where they isolate themselves from their surroundings. But this is a huge essential mistake for men. Why do you leave her when she is emotional most vulnerable? Stay, you idiot.
You can see hints if her wave is starting to crash down.
- She will be more needy, demanding, and possessive.
- Her Insecurity grows about everything and even asks about the meaning of the relationship that you have.
- She has a slight pessimistic aura around her and has no energy to do anything
- She is more reactive to emotions, which means all emotions she will have will get intensified.
When her waves break down and she is at the bottom, she withdraws to her well and deals with all the negative emotions around her. This assures more if she is in a relationship. It is essential that she feels safe so that she can jump deeper into the well to deal with her negative feelings. Every woman witnesses the well, it is a dark place, where no positive emotion can emerge. This place is depressing, and it drains energy from every kind of positive source and swallows all light haha. But this is necessary.
Why does a women’s mood change so often- What men should do
The wave pattern is like the weather, you can not expect that the weather never changes. She will be a raging storm or a depressing cloudy sky.
Crucial now, do not take it personally. Deal with it. Be the massive rock in the sea where no of her wave can harm you even if it means that she is shouting at you and counts all negative aspects about you, be her punching bag!
Also, there is a difference between men’s and women’s understanding.
When a woman tries to understand another woman, they try to reflect on the emotion the other had to deal with.
And when a man tries to understand another man, they try to understand the problem and are offering a solution.
This means, men if she felt upset about her work, she wants YOU to feel upset, to relive her situation, too!
So, talking, which I mean, to relive all her upsetting or depressing situations and complaints about everything, is a huge help for her to deal with her negative emotions. If you give her these kinds of support in any aspect she feels secure in your presence so she can be deeper into the well and deal with other problems. Be warned, sometimes she feels as much secure as she ever felt before, she may deal with past feelings. Which is good! And also she will not thank you for the support you are giving her. She is surrounded by negative emotions, and love, which is a positive emotion, she is unable to receive. So prepare yourself.
Why does a women’s mood change – Emotional Cleaning
When a woman’s mood falls, she must deal with her negative feelings, she must. Women from time to time must deal with their negative emotions.
If a woman oppresses her negative feelings, she will avoid every kind of intimacy and sex or numb herself by drinking, overeating, overworking, or over caretaking.
Denying her diving into the well is the same eloquent as denying his escape to the cave.
When negative feelings are supressed positive feelings becomes suppressed as well,and love dies.
Reflecting on the wave pattern in my experience
In retrospect, my mother could not deal with her negative or positive emotions at all. Even if her mood rises or falls, she ignored them because she was too busy raising kids, earning money, and fighting for a residence title to stay in Germany. Simply, there was no time to deal with her emotions. Not until we grew older, had a stable income, and were allowed to stay here in Germany.
Categorizing her as a greedy bitch was unacceptable, and I feel bad about it until today. Now, every time if she is at the bottom, I just lay by her side and listen to all of her problems, produced by her emotions.
My best female friend
My best friend is now on an emotional rollercoaster, constantly mood rises and falls. She feels depressed right now and is unsure about going back to her ex and her work life. All I can do, and all men should do, is just to be there for your friends. When she is talking about her insecurity, I sometimes tend to ask the reasons for that and offer solutions, which I rarely do. Instead, I ask how she feels when she is thinking about him or her work. Only if she asked what I think did I give her solutions. But mostly, we share the same negative emotions by talking about similar situations we are in. That is the way where she and I included feeling understood on an emotional level. Do that. Feel the same emotion as she does or shares stories with the same emotion.
Summary – Why does women’s mood change so often
Understanding the wave pattern of a woman can help you fix your relationship with your loved ones or friends. Women are strongly driven by emotions. Make her feel good, and you will experience love. When she needs to dive into her well, make sure everything around her is fine and secure, so she can deal with her negative emotions better and faster.
In conclusion, making her feel safe, will improve the relationship and raise it to the next level. Remember men, a shoulder to cry on is a dick to ride on.
I hope I could explain the reason, why most women are reactive or/and depressed throughout their life. Use your knowledge to your advantage. If you have questions or want to tell me about your experience, feel free to tell me, I am glad to help.