people pleaser signs

You are too nice: 15 Signs of People-Pleasing

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People-pleasing is a behavior that occurs when someone tries to please others at their expense. It can include lying, stealing, manipulating, and being overly concerned with other people’s opinions. People-pleasing behaviors can cause problems in relationships, especially if they become habitual. Here are 15 Signs of People-Pleasing and the reasons why it’s self-destructive.

What is People-Pleasing?

It doesn’t harm to help people from small things like showing a direction to helping someone move to a new home. We feel helpful that we could do something nice. However, aiding people from time to time isn’t people-pleasing. People-pleasing is keeping the image of someone who could always meet people’s needs. In other words, people-pleasing is based on how other people receive them. So, some go to great lengths that it harms. It also comes from a fear of conflicts. It has many reasons. But in the end, we sacrifice something inside us when we try to please too many people.

Why is it harmful?

The wish to meet the needs of others affects the person’s values. They always forget themselves. Therefore, they never satisfy their needs, and it affects their mood. People-pleasers always seem rushed or overly sensitive about their reputation.

Not only do they forget themselves, but they also damage their relationships with others. First, their assumptions aren’t always real. They assume that someone needs their help. But can lead to an awkward or forced situation.

Overall, avoiding people-pleasing because it never helps anyone in the end. Prioritize yourself and decide who deserves your energy and time.

The 15 Signs of People-Pleasing

Here are the 15 signs of people-pleasing.

1. You feel responsible for how other people feel

15 Signs of People-Pleasing- You feel responsible for how other people feel

People often ask me if I am mad at work. But most of the time I am either tired or busy doing stuff. They ask if I’m alright or if is something bothering me. It annoys me. First, do they perceive me as a weak person? Second, why do you even care? Because of kindness? No. Most of the time these interaction ends in them trying to give me advice. No, thank you.

2. The thought of anyone being mad at you causes you to feel uncomfortable

Even though being mad or angry has nothing to do with you, you feel attacked or responsible. But why? Some explained that it disturbs the vibes. But it’s not the whole truth. Mainly, they feel uncomfortable. And it doesn’t matter who is mad. It can be the mother or a stranger on the streets. It’s just about their well-being and the urge to please someone.

3. You tend to be a “pushover”

Whether you push your kindness on others or the one who gets pushed by requests, it’s a sign of a people-pleaser. At one time, you offered your help. Not only once or twice, but multiple times. You established yourself as a doormat. Everyone can give you a task. The worst is you even finish it. No wonder your schedule is full of favors from others.

4. You find it easier to agree with people rather than express a contrary opinion

15 signs of people-pleasing: You find it easier to agree with people rather than express a contrary opinion

Similar to oppressing your feelings you tend to agree more easily. To avoid conflicts and to increase your reputation. People-pleasers assume that agreeing with others helps them to keep the image of someone who can meet people’s needs.

5. You often apologize even when you don’t think you did anything wrong

Nothing is more annoying than people apologizing for everything. Not only does it annoys strong-minded people, it makes them weak. The reason for this behavior is that in the past they caused conflicts. Conflicts that didn’t have to happen. Because someone is overly sensitive. Therefore, to avoid the smallest conflict they apologize beforehand.

6. You go to great lengths to avoid conflict

15 signs of people-pleasing: you avoid conflict at any costs

People-pleasers see conflicts as serious issues. Fighting in general is always a destructive outcome between two individuals. They were taught young that any kind of conflict would turn into physical or mental abuse. Most people-pleasers come from abusive households. One wrong word and a bottle is flying through the room. One wrong action and the apartment is filled with screams and broken types of furniture.

Therefore, they try to avoid any conflicts. So, they can prevent those clashes they had experienced in their childhoods.

7. You don’t usually tell people when you’re feeling offended or your feelings are hurt

Not only do you prioritize other needs you undermine your feelings too. The reason for that is that you are afraid. Afraid that your feelings are in the way of others. So, you stay quiet. Suppressing your feelings. This hurts your relationship with others. In addition, you grow resentment towards them. Exploding one day and burst every sympathy away.

8. You tend to say yes when people ask you for favors, even if you don’t want to

Even when you didn’t want to or you didn’t have time, you still agreed. This is a great example of why people-pleasing harms you. You put other needs above yourself.

9. You change based on what you think other people want

15 signs of people-pleasing- You change based on what you think other people want

By changing they don’t get exposed as people-pleasers. If someone needs something you fit your personality into it. So, it seems that both of you wanted it to be done. Not only the other but you too. In the end, it doesn’t seem like you are doing him a favor.

10. You put a lot of energy into trying to impress people

One of my best friends always tries to impress people. Especially, women. Even though you can see it as a flirt, I know he’s always trying to please his partner. It goes beyond normal behavior. In fact, just creepy. When I asked about it, he was caught off guard. He didn’t realize it. He questioned his behavior and began a deep self-reflection on why he was like that. One of the signs of people-pleasing.

11. If you hosted a party and people didn’t seem to be enjoying themselves, you’d feel responsible

I am guilty of this. As a host, I always felt responsible for the vibe of the party. If people didn’t enjoy the party, catastrophe. Is my party so dull? What could I have done better? Years later I realized that the people I invited were responsible for themselves. I could only provide a good spot and drinks. The rest is out of my control.

12. You seek praise and approval from people in your life often

Mostly insecure people paired with people-pleasing are constantly looking for praise and approval. In whatever they do even when they did it right they ask superiors or friends if they did great. It isn’t a question of evaluation but a question of validation. They are more focused on the praise itself than on the value of their doing.

13. When someone around you is upset, you take responsibility for trying to make him/her feel better

You feel the urge to be the one who can make someone feel better. Is it words, a hug, or even a favor? It doesn’t matter to you how much time or effort it costs, you need to help them. But why? Why do you need to help them? Do they truly need it or is it for your satisfaction?

14. You would never want anyone to think you are selfish

Being selfish is taught by our parents as a bad habit. We always need to share our toys with other kids. It began as a fine parenting tip but can grow into a self-destructive obsession. Being selfish is a bad trait and people-pleasers try to avoid it at any cost. The cost is then putting everyone else above themselves. They forget who should be treated the best. It’s you.

15. You often feel overscheduled and overburdened by all the things you have to do

You usually have a full week’s schedule. But if you look closer, it is mostly about helping others. You are a people-pleaser if your daily activities are filled with other’s favors.


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