I think it is no mystery that women love to talk about everything. When I was younger I worked in many restaurants. One day on a Monday, I was alone in the afternoon shift. Because we were in a tourist district of Berlin, we had fewer customers than in the evening. While I worked, I recognize the whole restaurant was filled with women, no men. I thought: “Do we have a ladies’ special on the menu?”.
All tables were seated by two women, who enjoy their meal, but most importantly talked, and talked a lot. While I cleaned a table, I observe the whole situation I am in. Those women talked about everything and excessively about it. It feels like, they discussed how to conquer the world. Their facial expressions, voice strength, and hand movements indicated that. It was fascinating and fearsome at the same time. In addition, I heard casual information about work and also intimate information about someone called Stefan. What I heard, three years ago, is he is a bastard. haha.
I recognized a pattern here, it was always two women, close friends. Two close friends arrange a time and a meeting point to talk. Back then, I did not understand the necessity, to meet up to talk. I only talked when I had a problem or I would meet a group of friends to talk to everyone. So for me, it is fascinating today when two women talk. Even right now, I love to observe how two girls are talking, without listening, I think it is about world domination lol.
Unless three years ago, I finally understand the joy of talking. In this post, I will explain the reason why women love to talk and how men usually react, and how they should handle it.
Why do women love to talk
In my previous post, I mentioned that women are driven by emotion. If she is happy she can give love. If she is unhappy she demands support. Women have a special ability to connect every memory with a certain emotion. This means, that if she feels depressed, she will remember every issue she had not solved yet, however, if she feels happy, she will remember every happy moment back to her childhood.
We learned in – Why a woman’s mood rises and falls – that women need to deal with negative emotions to be able to love again. So, to deal with negative emotions, women have two options, they either jump into the well surrounded by a depressing aura. Or they talk about it. Generally speaking, women talk to relieve stress.
She instinctively feels the urge to talk about her feelings and all the problems that are associated with her feelings. If she is angry, she is angry about small and big things, it does not matter. She will talk intensively about how tired she is, how overwhelming her work is, and so on.
Most importantly, she is not looking for a solution by talking, she rather seeks relief by expressing her feelings and being understood. By randomly talking about her problems she becomes less upset.
A woman under stress is not immediately concerned with finding a solution to her problems but rather seeks relief by expressing herself and being understood – John Gray
Women = talk
A woman under stress tends to expand and become overwhelmed by all problems. To relieve this huge amount of stress, she talks about her problems, current problems, past problems, potential problems, and also problems with no solution. The more they talk about it the more they feel relaxed. This is the way how many women operate. To deny this is denying women’s true nature. As a man, we focus on one problem and try to find a solution or try to forget it. We withdraw to our cave.
A woman who is in the well and unable or unwilling to talk about their problems will need to talk about other problems. By discussing the problems of others she feels relief. To forget her painful feelings she gets emotionally involved in the problems of others. So it does not matter what she is talking about, her problems or that of friends or relatives. Through talking no matter what, women relieve stress.
In summary, they just care for each other, by releasing your friend’s built-up stress by talking. They help a precious friend and in addition, they relieve a lot of their stress for themselves, too. Killing 2 birds with one stone.
How men react
In opposite, when women talk to men, men usually resist. Because when she talks about her problems he feels blamed for them, he feels responsible for her problems. In other words, when women talk to men they build up stress if they do not know how to handle it.
Men do not realize that she talks to feel better. All that a man should do is sit next to her and listen.
Men talk for two reasons:
blame another or seek advice. If a woman is really upset, he assumes she is blaming him. If less upset, he assumes she needs a solution or advice. So he will either try to find a solution for all her problems or he will defend himself from her.
If he offers a solution to her problems, she just comes up with other problems. After the present 2 – 3 solutions he expects, she will feel better. Because she does not look for a solution, he mostly feels rejected and he feels unappreciated, and confused.
If he feels attacked, for example she is complaining about him, he tries to explain himself, but this will make her more upset and a fight may occur. He does not realize that explanations are not what she needs.
How to deal with it as men
Of course, I experienced exaggerated talk from women. And I must admit I feel stressed, and be blamed when my mother or my friends talk about their day.
When my mother talked about how busy she was at the restaurant, I felt guilty about not helping. Every time. Then, I would offer some solutions like hiring more staff or cutting some costs. But we would argue more. So, I just shut up my mouth, listen to her, and gave her hugs.
As we know from the previous post, the women’s mood will change, it will change faster if they deal with her negative emotions or if they talk about a stressful day. Even when men feel blamed, criticized, or attacked by the woman when she talks about her problems, we will now know that this is temporary, and soon women will feel relieved of their stress and will appreciate that you do not talk. Let her do the talking part because women love to talk.
For men, listening to a woman is very energy taking. I know this feeling. No joke, it is like running 30 km uphill.
But it is a task, that men should do. Because we love our beloved ones, don’t we?
The Solution: Why women love to talk and how men should handle it
The solution is simple. Make her talk even more about it. I know men it is dangerous but just do it.
Here are some tips:
- If she is talking about her stressful day => use phrases like “Oh my god, don’t tell me this b*tch did that?!?!”, or exaggerate what she said. “It was cold like the north pole?”, “The dog was cuter than all dogs combined?”. By exaggerating her statement, you show exactly how she felt and this will make her relieve her stress faster.
- If she is talking about sad or depressing things => Eye contact and Body contact. Most women are not complicated, they want small things, but many of them. Just being attentive and observing her when she talks, gives her the feeling that you care about her. And, if she cries or falls into depression, hug her and shut the fck up. That’s it.
Summary – Why do women love to talk
I believe that no one on this earth is equal. It is not possible. There are too many variables like gender, language, even birth order, education level, and so on. I believe in equality chances that everyone should have the same possibilities to achieve what they want to do. But, success should not be given.
Back to the topic, after reading this post, I hope that women and men are different, it is not a bad thing. It is just a fact, that generally men and women approach tasks, love, and stress differently.
The famous quote: “Treat others how you want to be treated” – will lead to fights and conflicts between women and men. I experienced that and I think you did, too. Reconsider your life when you had a huge fight with your partner or another relationship with the opposite gender, break it down, and analyze it.
I hope you guys enjoyed this post as much as I writing it. Feel free to approve or disapprove of me.
“Treat others how you wish to be treated” will lead to fights and conflicts. I disagree. The reason for that kind of outcome is, when you are coming from the “wrong” mindset.
The phrase is not called ‘the golden rule’ without reasons. What if you think from this perspective: “I want to be treated as an individual and respect you have for human life.” ?
See? You invalid your argument yourself. Just because we want to be treated like we treated others the same way, it presuppose that we have the same mindset and the same values. It is dangerous to assume anything in a relationship. People want different things and also handle the situation differently. Which may leads to missunderstanding and consequently to fights and conflicts. In fact, women and men are different. I do treat ma bros differently than my female friends.