Friendzone – the black hole of all kinds of relationships. Once you fall into it, there is rarely an escape. Furthermore, everyone should experience this at least once in a lifetime. If not, you are damn lucky. Being in the friendzone is a one-sided love paired with hope which leads to a stillstand. You are neither moving forward nor backward. As someone with an urge to move further in life, you do not want to remain in the friendzone for too long. In addition, it hurts you when your crush is moving forward with another one. So, let me help you with how you can escape the friend zone.
The Formula of Friendzone
When someone asked to befriend you first, before considering a relationship, do not agree. It’s a trap! This is an evil master plan to catch someone off-guard and throw someone into the pit of the hell of friendzone. Let me explain. When you start to spend time with your crush, slowly feeling a deep good connection, laughing a lot, and having fun, you catch feelings for your crush. But suddenly, your crush does not seem that way. Moreover, your crush recommends being friends first. Your first thought may be: “Oh, nice we make a step further in our relationship. From here I will make you fall in love with me.”
Yes, you make a step. But in the wrong direction. Instead of making a step towards and romantic relationship, you agreed yourself walking down the path to the friendzone. And this is one fatal mistake, mostly made from the ‘nice guys’ collection. To hope that friendship someday turns into a romantic one is pathetic, ambitionless, lazy, and most important passive. As mentioned in my previous post, waiting is the shittest thing you can do.
So, what do you lack that your crush sees you just as a friend? You may have great chemistry, like having the same humor. When hard times come, you both are there for each other, and in addition, you spend good quality time together, as a couple does. When you put friendship in a formula it looks like this.
Humor + Quality time + Caring for each other + Connection = Friendship
What is missing here is the most basic trait that everyone forgets, sexuality. Sexuality is the difference between friendship and a romantic relationship.
Humor + Quality time + Caring for each others + Connection + Sexuality = Romantic Relationship
I assume you know this already. Sexuality is the deciding point that decides where your relationship with your crush will end. Without sexuality, you are doomed to stay forever in the friend zone. Let me give you some advice to escape the friendzone.
6 steps to escape the friend zone
1. Do not become the relationship coach for your crush
Avoid the topic of your crush’s crushes. Not to say it hurts you to listen to who your crush is seeing right now, but it is also to put yourself in the shadow. Of course, talking with your crush about the relationships makes you feel closer. But this is the wrong approach and leads only to deepening your friendship. When you are the relationship coach, you have no time or chance to shine on the field. Remember it.
2. Be willing to disagree
When you start to like someone, you tend to agree with your crush to show you have a thing in common. A usual approach for friends. Comparing each other’s opinions; agreeing to disagree; finding the spot in common. To avoid this situation, it is healthy to challenge your crush from time to time. It is important to disagree in a playful way. The playful way is the thing I stress. Never in a serious way of course.
For example, if your crush moans about work a lot, you can say: ‘I could never be with you – you are too much work.’ Not that this is a playful way to let your crush know your standards, it even put the idea of you as a potential partner in their heads.
When your crush ever jokes about you guys being together, even here, be playful: ‘Nah, I am too cool for you.’ Remember it.
3. Define your limits for your crush
I saw many people making the mistake to give everything they have. Treating your crush like your boyfriend/girlfriend when you are not in a relationship is utterly fatal. Doing things a boy /girlfriend would do is unacceptable. Why would you give your crush everything desirable in a relationship when your crush does not even think about you as a potential partner? Everything related to sexuality or your privacy in general, do not talk about it. For example: how are you in bed, how does your room/apartment look like. These are things which are reserved for your girl-/boyfriend only. Remember it.
4. Make your crush have sexual thoughts about you
Even though it is not recommended to let your crush see you naked or know about your sexual life. It is recommended to let your crush think about it. There is a difference. To tell everything about you destroys the curiosity of your crush. Instead, making your crush fantasize about your sexuality or actually, everything only increases the curiosity of your crush. As a result, your crush wants to know more about you.
Of course, making indirect sexual fantasies is the best way to let your crush sexually think about you. Never be direct. The trick is to compliment your crush on what they are doing. ‘Hey, you know I can’t resist guys with leather jackets. Take it off right now.’, ‘ It turns me on how you hold that cup of coffee.’, these are some examples of how to implicate your sexual desires indirectly. Even in normal conversation when you use phrases like ‘It turns me on when, …’, ‘I can’t resist…’ or ‘It’s so sexy when…’ are great ways to express your sexual desires. And these differences a friendship from a potential romantic relationship. It is silly, but it establishes from your first interaction that you are never going to be friends. Remember it.
5. Don’t be available if your crush calls you
When you over-commit to someone it kills every now and future attraction of your crush. Like in an old western song: ‘How can I miss you when you stay forever?’ In the early stage of a relationship, people want to see your standard and commitment. By doing so, you do not let your crush see what they will miss when you are not around. By forcing them to miss you, you create an ultimate attraction towards yourself. Only be committed and be the best boy-/girlfriend when your crush is committed as you do. Remember this, I do not implicit play-hard-to-get, reward them for what they invested in.
6. Get physical
Touching is a great way to build up intimacy. The right touch can decide a relationship. Moreover, when doing it right. I see many people do it wrong and touch people in the wrong places based on the relationship. The commonly allowed touching area is their arms. And when you are brave enough, boys, the lower back of a girl. Other places are prohibited. Instead, arms are the places you want to touch the most. When you touch your crush often, you build first an intimate and familiar atmosphere. This leads to easier secondly, kissing, and more.
Do not underestimate this. Holding a girl’s hand and leading her through a crowd will have a positive impact on her. Also, playing with his hands or leaning on his shoulders tells him that is it ok to touch him afterward. Remember it.
Summary – how to get out of friend zone
The difference between friendship and romance is sexuality. Remind your crush indirectly about your sexual desire and show them what they will miss when they are not with you in a relationship. Follow these steps and you will never be in the friend zone ever again.