Lately, I am getting angry and confused about everything someone is talking about fate or linked to fate. The word ‘fate’, and its synonyms are more mention in a discussion when it comes to human interaction than climate change, Greta Thunberg, and the new iPhone 11 combined. To be clear right at the beginning. Believing in karma, the universe, and fate are excuses to lay back and do nothing. Excuses like, ‘Just let things play out, what’s supposed to happen will happen, is the top-tier excuse and my personal most hated sentence of all time. Do you wait or create? In the following sentences, I will explain my anger and upset about this topic. And hopefully, you will change your mind about fate or you agree with me even more, also, you find more powerful facts to argue.
Do you wait or do you create?
You want something, you have to work for it. This is a general rule among all of us. It is logical and clear. For example, you want your dream job you have to work for it. First, you graduate from a good university, work at the lowest rank in the company, and from there, you work your way up (without sexual service). Or, you have a big idea and are humble enough to work constantly and create your dream job. Either way, this is a common, widespread rule on how to get what you want.
This rule can be adapted anywhere, getting a new car, have this hot body you always wanted, and in my example, becoming slowly an entrepreneur. Logical, clear, and easy rule. However, somewhere between high school graduates and your first job, you believe any kind of interaction with a human is already set by fate. Do you wait or do you create? ‘Karma will set everything right’. If you think like this read this. But today we will analyze the sentence: ‘Just let things play out, what’s supposed to happen will happen‘ This sentence embodies all I hate.
It always starts like this. The protagonist is mostly the most notable person in this story. Either she is shy or awkward, or she is loud and stands out with her beauty. Other notable traits can also be specific behavior. All in all, she is notable. At some point in the plot, the prince comes in and helps her out in some way. And, BÄM, Cupido shots arrows through her heart. With some plot-twists which do not affect the relationship in any way, I mean, ‘conflict’ which is not a real conflict in my eyes, comes to a happy end. And they are happy for the rest of their life.
The Media loves to present our love to happen randomly. Bumping in each other, a cute gesture to help you out, meeting through common friends, and so on. Why? Because movies are selling better with this kind of story. Media has manipulated us that far that you are seen as desperate when you look intentionally for a partner. It is no shame to look for the right partner. It is never. Love is one of the most parts of our life. To abandon it to fate is foolish.
I read so many romantic mangas, Uhm… for research of course, that I am done with those kinds of stories. This my friends are the embodiment of ‘When the right person comes, he/she will appear.’
But here are the problems when you decide to wait:
- First, you overcommit to thrash. I once knew this girl who is in love with every dude she met. After just one date, she puts all her hope in this one guy. I think it is not surprising that she is heartbroken at the end. However, it is her fault to commit to every guy who smiles at her. Moreover, letting fate and wait for the guy/girl will only the best thing you can have right now. And it is possibly not the most suitable partner for you.
- Second, the longer you wait the more impatient you get. This is mostly for people who have a plan to marry pre 30. Which means when you wait for the right one, how can your plan be married at 30 even work? As a result, many people in their late 20’s get desperate and take anyone.
- Third, you have never set your value straight. This is the most disgusting part about the wait for opportunity. Those people I just hate the most. People who have no idea what they want and what they need.
When you know what you want, you can easily avoid problems beforehand. I once met this girl who had yellow fever. Every topic she talks about was based on Asians. Some are fun, some are inappropriate. Moreover, she was in the Idea of loving an Asian, and not specifically me. And I do not want this kind of relationship, again. Of course, I could fuck her and leave, but any kind of breakup hurts. So consequently, I broke ties with her to avoid problems.
For this reason, waiting for someone is a bad approach for everybody. Either you play the game of the Single life and risk losing and winning. Or you block every kind of romantic interaction. Like Yoda said, ‘Do or do not. There is no try.’, in this case, ‘There is no wait’.
I cannot lecture you on who is the right person for you. Because I have no one who is even near my expectations. However, I can teach you how you can avoid crazy people. First, to avoid trash, you need to know what trash is. And this can be answered by creating more options and opportunities. In our case, meeting as many people as possible. Instead of committing to the first person, you need to know many kinds of people. For example, you think that cheating is normal in a relationship when you never had one without cheating. Clearly. To prevent that, you have to know more people.
Firstly, you will never be desperate and make stupid mistakes like loving someone because you are lonely. Secondly, you can properly find someone who is perfect for you. Dating is nothing else than a statistical approach. And the third and the most important part, you know what your values are. By interacting with many and different people, your values collide with the other ones. As a result, you will know what kind of value you treasure the most and who deserves you. Or, you are worthless and know what you have to work on. The more you meet people, the higher is the probability to find the right one.
Here are some tips to meet new people everywhere:
To learn new people, it is crucial to learn how to start a conversation
- Converse with all service staff
This is one of my favorite way to talk to people. Everywhere I go talking to service staff is the most chill, non-pressure, and fun way to talk to people. First of all, the service staff has to talk to you, it is part of their job. Every time I order something, I tell them to add ‘love’ to it. ‘One Caramel Macchiato with love please.’ And in addition to repeated visits, you become a valued customer and you become friends with them.
- Learn the name of the regular people in your life
This is crucial to keep in contact and advance to the next level of your relationship with this person. Knowing their names is the Basic 101 of networking. You keep them feel valued and important. Try it. Learn their names.
- Talk to anyone reading a book
It is equivalent to talk to anyone when they do something you are also interested in. Once, I post on my Instagram that I was interested in Artificial Intelligence. And an old friend from my university time added me and we talked again. Add people by asking about their interests.
- When you are in a coffee shop queue talk to the person next to you
Ask them about their recommendations for the food and beverage. Or ask them to grab something off the shelf for you
- Compliment three people a day
Compliment someone. Especially, something on their faces. Glasses are a good way. Because you have to look at each other.
- Provide a random act of kindness to one person each day
Open a door for someone, let elderly people have your seat, smile at random people. Many people underestimate the power of small actions. But, when you build them in your everyday life, your personality brightens up. For this small price with this high value, it is a good thing to start right away.
Summary – Do you wait or do you create?
Do you wait or do you create – a simple but powerful question anyone has to ask themself. Especially in relationships, it is no shame to create your life. Because many people have the misconception that relationship is fated to work or to fail. Moreover, that finding the one is seen as desperately. And both of these arguments are from people who want to be best in a test without even studying for it. Or they see love as a magical pony who comes by from time to time. Likewise, getting your dream job and reaching your goal, meeting the one is hard-work.
It is a statistic
I can understand that being single looking for the right one is painful and demotivating. I am in a similar position as any other single. When you meet someone you build up hope. A hope that can be destroyed. This person is either not the one you imagine or is in a relationship. Likewise, with friends, people who you thought are best buddies with turned out to be …bad.
But it hurts less every time you are disappointed or hurt. It is all about the statistic. Just keep on going and someday everything will be how you imagine your relationships with others. Which it is important never to wait because when you start to wait, you will lose automatically. When you properly create opportunities you will maybe win. This is why you have to start doing something about it. Do you wait or do you create determines your mindset. By living the creation mindset, you will build up the life you deserve.
Ah, all the information above can be used for friendship.
In every step of your life think about it, do you wait or do you create your success?
I hope I could strengthen your mindset with this post.