In my social environment, I have a friend whose vocabulary is consisted of ‘maybe’, ‘I think…’ or ‘I believe.’ Those words are the product of his insecurity. He is eager to express his opinions and feelings about various topics that he knows a bit about. A dangerous trait: Why you are better off without opinions. As a side effect, when someone challenges his ideological view he backs up quickly. That is the reason, why he overflows his expressions with half-committed words like ‘maybe’ and ‘I think’. For example, he said once: ‘Democracy is a shitty system to invest in. Maybe.’ By putting maybe in that, he shows his insecurity and a statement not to challenge him. But, living like this leads to 2 things.
Firstly, no one ever takes you seriously or respects you. Why? Who should when you back up every time someone challenges you? Secondly, you lose your credibility, the skill that someone trusts you. And this is about today’s post. To be a respectable human who people can depend on. You need to stand up for yourself because no one else will. Show your guts and represent your value. Because when everyone loves you, you make everything wrong.
No matter who you are. You have to stand up for yourself
Imagine the stereotype of Asian nerds in movies. The small, shy Asian kid who only thought about anime and games. He is a virgin even after high school graduation. No wonder, his hair was a mess, with his braces and nerd glasses. All the time he stands cowardly next to his ‘friends’, cursed with shyness and no voice in the group. He participated in every kind of activity and also a crime. Valueless and without any kind of priority, he lived his high school life. And folks, this dude was me. Every time I looked back, I am surprised that no one mobbed me. I had no presence at all and would never stand up for myself because I avoided every kind of conflict.
But, somehow I was one of the popular kids. Does it mean my school consisted of nerds and I am the king of the nerds? No. My high school was like other typical schools consisting of the cool kids, the skaters, the rockers, and of course the nerds. Somehow I belonged to the cool kids. I thought it was because of my elementary friend, who is one of the cool kids. But it was not 100% the reason why I belonged there. I was a funny, shy Asian kid. And more importantly, I get really angry when someone pisses me off.
There was one time when kids from the other classes threw pizza leftovers at us. At one point, I got fed up, stood up, get all my inner germs, and spit at them. In the end, I was punished to clean the schoolyard for one week. But, I was respected from that moment. They greeted me and talked to me like their friends. Just because I stood up for myself.
Stand up for something you are or what you believe in
But this always starts at the first couple moments of a group, this teasing and joking. The reason for those mobbing, and joking is merely a test of your personality. Most men want to befriend people who are not easily offended. Who wants to be careful about what they say? I am also like this. I am not a friend of people who are hurt every time. This is a result of a weak personality and no one wants to deal with them. This is a reason for the teasing and mobbing. It is not because we are mean or want to make you feel bad. It is to test your durability and character if you are a strong individual. We filter people out.
Another fact, we want to see if you are a person with strong values. We do not want to befriend people who either have no values or values they do not believe in. When you hate people who are cheap but never tip good service, how can we believe you and in other things that you talk about? When you cannot stay up for your values and yourself. How can you stand up for us? You are not trustable. But it does not take years to find out, it just needs teasing and jokes about your weaknesses and we will see how strong you really are.
Looking back, I, the typical Asian nerd, was never mobbed. Because I was a cool dude and stood up for my appearance and sometimes my friends.
To summarize, there are many good reasons for you to stand up for yourself.
First, you will be respected. When you have clear, definite values and get angry when someone harms them, you are a respectable human being. Furthermore, this is an attractive trait. And there are many ways to deal with these issues. Either you go rampage like me in high school or you are intelligent and joke about it instead.
Generally, conflicts always happen and you cannot be loved by all people. Getting in conflict will show you what values you treasure the most. Keep it up, stand up for yourself, and deal with it. Do not run away. I hear many people who say, “Ah, ignore them. They will stop.” But do not, it shows your inexperience and your weak personality.
Secondly, standing up for yourself is accepting the terrible responsibility of your life. Be cocky to speak out your opinion and your desires. Be someone who knows clearly what the problems are and how to deal with them. Do not quit and walk straight with a gaze of danger in your eyes to challenge everyone who tries to fuck with your values.
When you start standing up for yourself you will see visible changes within weeks. I promised that.
I hope you like today’s post.