Last time, I talked about how to escape the friendzone. Moreover, the friend zone is one of the biggest traps between two people. Stuck in there with no path to escape. But now you should know. Today, I want to mention three types that can’t get into a relationship. The three types that can’t get into a relationship, in general, are The Sex-object-trap, the Serious-type-trap, and the Just-be-yourself-trap.
Three types that can’t get into a relationship:
A simple truth. Yes, all men want is to have sex. There is no doubt about it and no justification is needed here. As long you are not deep in the friendzone, men had imagined what sex with strangers looks like. But, there is a difference in terms of time. From only-having-sex-with-you-until-he-dies to I-need-10-shots-to-make-this-night-possible everything is possible. Furthermore, the last type of woman where men can not think you more than a One-night-stand is the definition of the The-Sex-Object.
There was a time when I saw many women with nothing more than having fun. Yes, it is pathetic and simply I was an asshole. Partying every weekend, drinking until my brain shuts down, and going home alone or with someone was my main activity. Sounds like I was proud, but truly I was not. I saw women as sex-object and also the other way around. I was also the booty call for women.
And men who thrive to have meaning in their lives do not want this! What is the deciding factor for someone to be the Sex-Object? The answer: lack of connection.
(Feminity/Masculinity + sexuality) – connection = sex-object-trap
Mostly at parties, the sexuality of an individual shines, but building a deep emotional/intellectual connection is impossible. I saw many people who are convinced that through sexuality you can start building a relationship. And this is a pretty stupid idea. When we look at this in the long-term, people need to maintain their sexuality and look throughout the relationship. For example, goal diggers, their purpose is to woo someone through their look. I once watch goal-digger documentation, the woman asked her husband: ‘Don’t you want your wife to be good-looking?’ No?! We want someone supportive and ass-kicking. The look is a time-restricted trait that loses value over time. When they are getting old, what are they going to do to hold their partner? Improve their looks over and over again?
Considering this as a business guy, I would exchange my partner for a better one when they solely offer their look and sexuality. There is always someone who is better good-looking and sexier. I sound like an asshole lol.
Nothing beats connection. Connection paired with sexuality, playfulness, and gender-specific trait should be your ideal partner. As a result, building a deep connection is the hardest task. Because you have to work for it. I do not lie when everyone wants to talk with someone where hours pass by like seconds. Whether when you are a guy or a girl, building attraction through your sexuality (look, sex appeal) is a bad long-term investment. To escape the Sex-Object trap, build a meaningful connection with your partner.
Three types that can’t get into a relationship:
I barely know this guy. But what I saw, was a dead-serious impression of this dude. Whatever he does, he somehow never smiles. Joking with him turns out to be a life lesson with a 50-page PowerPoint presentation. Even a rock expresses more fun than this guy.
He is the kind of guy whose sole purpose in life is to be perfect in his career process. Tons of outstanding internship at big companies and extra social activities which improves society as a whole make his life cool. I have to admit. Also talking with him on an intellectual level is liberating. He is the kind of guy you want to make business with. But cracking a joke and seeing him smile is impossible.
Let me say this, grinding for success in a career is an admirable task and when this guy stops being dead-serious every time, he would have a great time socially. Do not take yourself seriously and you will notice a positive shift in your social contact.
(Certainty + independence + connection) – playfulness = serious-type-trap
Three types that can’t get into a relationship
For some of you, maybe most of you, these traits make you instantly feel uncomfortable. It makes you feel out of character to be sexual when you never show this side of yours. Being playful is hard for you when you used to be sensible. It is hard to talk to a stranger when even asking for the time makes you feel overwhelmed. Many of those traits make you feel frustrated. Why do I even try? I quit.
And the best advice your friend can give you is to be yourself. First of all, who can say who you are? I don’t. The biggest philosophers on earth don’t. To say to be yourself is a synonym to ‘Don’t grow and change. Be the pathetic version of yourself. It is devastating when be-yourself makes you miserable and lonely.
For example, I used to be a shy and innocent Asian nerd. Am I happy with my character now? Yes, I do. And I thank Barney Stinson from the show “How I met your mother”, he was my role model in the early ’20s. Now I am a cocky, perverted but good-hearted, confident, and charming guy. An improvement.
Furthermore, people change over time. Your now-me is different than your past-me, also your future-me will be different from your now-me. Do not fear and embrace change. What good friends truly meant with this advice is to tell you to stick to what you are good at. Partly true. It is a good approach to improve your strong traits. Also, it is not wrong to change your whole character for the bigger good of success in your career and love. Be the best version of yourself.
Summary – Three types that can’t get into a relationship
To summarize, the three types that can’t get into a relationship are missing an essential part to bring your relationship to the next level. A Sex-object person missed building connections. The Serious-type person missed building up their playfulness. And the Just-be-yourself person missed the urge to change themselves or just give up too early.