Twice a year, punctually to new year’s eve and two weeks before my birthday. I reflect on my life how I do so far. I list every achieved goal and all the mistakes I made in the last couple of months. In addition, I compare my past-me with my present-me. How far did I come? What did I achieve? What are my goals and plans? Also, what can I do to reach this goal? And lastly, who am I now? Do I change for the worse or the best? And, is my life worth living?
Maybe some of you know that I had a difficult time. And when my yearly reflection comes, I was depressed. Actually, I had dark and terrible thoughts about ending my pitiful life as soon as possible. And yet, I did not. My mom talked to me through the nights and her advice is similar to the book I finished reading. The “12 Rules of Life” from Jordan B. Peterson. After thinking about my mom’s speech and finishing relevant chapters, I reflect on my life once more. And I find out for myself why life is worth living at any time.
This post is personally really important to me. Here, in this post, I will let go of the emotional pressure I carried for so long. In addition, it is a tribute to all the readers who fought depression, a state of melancholy, or thoughts of ending your own life.
Fate has nothing to do with why life is worth living
It grinds my gears whenever people are convinced that life is determined by fate or destiny. Those people are mostly convinced that karma exists, too. But, this is total bullshit.
Every time life goes bad they blame a higher institution like the universe or god. In fact, they question why they are getting punished while being a “good person”. However, “bad people” who should be punished, are rewarded instead. And this kind of mindset you should ban from now on. This is only poisonous and dangerous.
When you believe in fate, destiny, and karma you are starting to give up on life or you are trying to ignore it. Because everything in life is bad and also good. Consider the yin and yang symbol. Every good is bad, and every bad is good. So is life. Every aspect of your life contains both of them. And it lies on you how you deal with it.
Finance
When you are financially stable which means good constant income, no debt and you can spend to your heart fullest content. Life is good.
Suddenly, you are fired, a huge bill arrives or someone steals your money. Life is suddenly bad.
Relationships
Mostly, when you have a couple of friends you can rely on, speak to them, and trust them. Your life is good. You received love so strong that you can hug the world. And in my opinion, having a good relationship with the people in your surroundings is a basic human need which declined leads to exclusion from society, to depression, and maybe to total isolation.
With this in mind, it is obvious that having bad relationships or not at all will harm your health! Because of the necessity of interaction with humans, you may feel even more hurt if someone declines you. Through ignoring, lack of communication, or what else harms a relationship between people will take you down, depressed and you might question why life hates you. Life is bad now. Is it fate? Was I bad?
Order and Chaos makes your life worth living
My life is also a cycle of good and bad. When everything was in order: structured, predictable and according to plan, my life was wonderful. But, when something scratches my order, I, and you also, fear or even hate life. Every time something bad happens to me I cried like a little bitch. A bill I cannot pay *cries*. Someone does not want to befriend me *cries*. I was expelled from university *cries*. And I hate this pitiful me.
Because it was not special at all. Everything that happens to you possibly happens to other millions on this planet. The problems you have others have it to so stop cry. We categorize our crisis as a world problem but in truth, it is nothing to cry about. Looking back to every kind of crisis, it was no crisis at all. I was just inexperienced in how to deal with it because it was new. When you know how to get help, life is easy to master.
You need more evidence that your life sucks
Just because you had a bad day, your life is not bad. You can not value your life base on one stage of your life. Life is more complicated than that. If you pity yourself because something bad happens once in a while, you are a jerk and it is not fair to your past you and all the achievements you accomplish. You cannot value a person by meeting him once, you cannot value a restaurant based on one dish, it is impossible to say summer is over when the weather turns suddenly cold.
What helps you a lot is to know that loving something truly, your beloved ones, career choice, or yourself, is to love all of its sides. The bad ones as well as the good ones. If you only love or appreciate the good side of something or someone, you are a selfish little bastard who does not deserve all aspects of life or love. Remember that order and chaos, good and evil is and will always be part of your life.
When your life is hard right now, see it as an opportunity to grow, to learn, or even to master it. Because every time you overcome these difficulties, you will understand yourself more. You understand your limits, you may discover a new skill in yourself, new values, real friends and I guarantee you, you will grow on it. And this is one of the best feelings you can have when you know that strength comes within you when you overcome all the obstacles.
Some advice to make your life worth living again
Learn something new:
When I had too much time to overthink, I distract myself with new activities. I started this blog as a result of last year’s hard times. Since then, I started this blog, worked with a friend on a social media website for games and I am considering building a side business with dropshipping. Also, learning a new language or practice a hobby you always wanted to do sounds attractive to me.
Do not compare yourself with others:
In my yearly reflection of myself, I did compare myself with people of the same age. When I still struggling to gain knowledge to enter work life, my friends finished their bachelor’s, bought an apartment, or are getting married. Do not do that, it is stupid. Compare your present to me with your past me. Even if you just make your bed which you never do it is progress. And that should make you proud.
There is a limitation to what you can influence:
Also, stop worrying about things you cannot influence. I worried and stressed myself because I could not find an apartment for myself. But my mother was right because of the decision of what does not lie in my hands. So, chill out. By the way, I found one after one year of searching!
Treat yourself like you would someone you are responsible for helping:
Reconsider, that is your life. You are in charge of it and you are responsible for the outcome of your life. Is it a bad life or a good one? If you do not helps yourself, who does it? Stand up and go.
Let go and accept it:
I should be the last guy you should listen to when it comes to accepting. It is truly hard to accept your life situation and forgive yourself and others. But when you did, you feel a different kind of happiness. The calm and peaceful happiness, the kind of happiness when you finally accept it and finally you can move on.
A small confession.
In the time of my first real heartbreak (ugh this topic again . sorry), I went through bad shit and bad thoughts. Even I, the sunshine of my family, was depressed, confused, and troubled with mixed feelings. I did not know what to do, what to say, and how to behave properly. And the only feeling I had, was the feeling of emptiness or a numb feeling. I felt nothing. You may know that. Everything you did was inattentively and the things which brought you joy are no more. It is the worst feeling.
Sometimes, when I have a break from work, I just stand outside. Looking to the horizon and did not know why life is worth living. I dreamed of how I reached all my goals. Happiness appears in a second, but vanished fast and was replaced by my depression. I mean, what is the point of achieving goals when you die anyway? God damn, I was lost in these couple of months and I was also on the journey to find sense in life like you guys. But I was, guys. I was.
Sending gratefulness
In the end, I am grateful for everything that happens to me. I realized that all the bad and all the good stuff formed me for who I am. I am truly grateful to love my past ex. With her, I experienced a lot of things, gained a lot of memories that I will never forget. And I am also grateful for the hardship she brought me. I could learn and grow with this hardship. I hope she will read this and know that I am grateful that she stepped into my life.
Another important girl was a friend I know the longest. I wished we could have met in June like promised, to tell her to her face how grateful I am that she stood beside me for all those years. When 2016 I did not know what to do with my kid, she was there. When I was expelled again, she was there. I wished I could pay you my gratefulness once more, girl.
Summary
Summarized, I realize that you should embrace everything life offers you. Both good and bad. While you should enjoy the good times, you should also embrace all the bad things. As a chance to grow and a challenge for yourself. And do not forget, in times of your hardest difficulties you will discover the good in humans and life.
Furthermore, when I had difficult times, I realized that I was the only one responsible for my actions and my life. When I was young I only blamed others for my hardship. But, this is another way to stop growing in person. Start looking at the mistakes you did and fix that.
I realize that I am the one to blame for the bad things in my life.
However, I am also the source of strength to get me out of there.
After a series of only facts, I wanted to write a post more personal and more relative to life. I hoped you enjoyed it and maybe I could help you in any way.
I love you guys,
Thien