I am aware that I am biased about relationships. In the last blog article, I subconsciously told you my opinion. I am disgusted about dating and relationships in general. Throughout these two blog articles, I made clear why I have this attitude. Well, more or less. In Part III, I will summarize why I am done with dating.
It is just a zoo wherever I look
Not long ago, I have a deep conversation with a friend. The deep talk was about dating and careers. Furthermore, we discussed if a career-driven woman can have both, love and a good career. She is one of my friends who “recently” broke up with her boyfriend. I assume the reason is due to his lack of ambition. But I am not quite sure. And her now ex-boyfriend is looking for the next girl, without working on his flaws.
After updating each other about our lives, she told me one thing. “Men do not want to date a strong woman.” I was confused and asked for further understanding. “What do you mean by that?” She told me that she does not want to depend on a guy. In. Every. Aspect. With that, she meant to be independent. Regardless, of any future situation in her life. This statement silenced me. Somehow she was right. And at the same time, she is not.
Since then I started to realize that relationships make no sense, apart from founding a family. When I see my friends talking about hot guys or girls, I feel like I am in a zoo. Furthermore, at this moment I think I am in a zoo. Animals bother about their most primitive motivation, sex. I do not deny that I am not like them. However, I show this kind of behavior only if I am drunk. At the end of the evening, I feel disgusted by my behavior. In addition, I try to avoid showing this behavior even more.
It is all about making/raising kids
With age and a lot of experience, I discovered that dating is only based on one thing. Making or raising kids. Any kind of admirable trait of the partner can be trackback to this purpose. For example, why do women prefer tall guys? Because they want to be safe and feel protected. If these two feelings are provided, women can solely concentrate on raising kids. Why do men prefer young and attractive girls? So they can be assured that their kids will be healthy and strong. You can put any traits up. And I will tell you the real reason why these traits are admirable in a partner.
Realizing that dating and love have the sole purpose of starting a family, makes me depressed. Like in a way, I am done with these activities. Furthermore, it destroys the magic of love I used to feel and believe. But it is gone now. Where is the love? Behind the purpose of making kids.
Ressources, ressources, ressources …
Not a long ago, I reread a chapter of Jordan B. Peterson’s book “12 Rules of Life”. In this chapter, he explained the possible reason for the increase in hookups and the decrease in relationships. This section broke my view on dating. In addition to it, he describes the typical way of dating in the old and modern times. A man who has a lot of resources is considered attractive. In other words, a man with a lot of power, money, or/and status, is just damn sexy. It supports my disappointment even more. A man is just a provider. And a woman seduces these attractive men with her appearance.
Is that all? Is this seriously dating? Reading the paragraphs seriously broke my view on dating in general. At that time I could not believe it. Moreover, I refuse to believe it. But soon, even that was proven otherwise. I see patterns in my environment that were described in Jordan’s book. Even I experienced it when I tried to date again. What is heartbreaking is my past relationships. Even there it is all based on what I can provide. It is all about that. Resources and how to get them.
Friends are surprised that I am done with dating
Based on the earlier section, I am giving up on dating.
However, my friends are encouraging me to date again. Some are making the theory that I am still in love with my ex. But it is two years now since we broke up. Even I know when to stop. But that is not the reason why I am not dating. It is boring, materialistic, and not even fun. Sometimes it feels like an interview for a job. What can you provide for me? And what can I provide you? The currencies and values are not money but feelings and support. Somehow it still feels like on a market. Who can I offer the most? Or more egoistically, who can offer me the most?
I cannot change my mindset about dating and asked some friends if something is wrong with me. Some friends understand my situation and even feel the same way. I am glad that I am not a weirdo. However, we could not find an answer to our twisted opinion about dating. Does dating become more and more materialistic? Or is dating always that way? Furthermore, my brother is thinking the same way as I do. We both hate this excessive talk about dating and hooking up. I mean, I would look if a beautiful woman enters my Starbucks. But I would never talk in a way that I would do to her when I am with her in the bed.
Is there any specific reason to date? Because I am done with dating
As I mentioned in Part I, I feel uneasy every time I see my guys wooing some girls. It is funny to watch. But I feel pitiful at the same time. People can have many hookups as they want. And I assume it makes them feel good. Maybe this is a form of confirmation that they are attractive. In other words, the more girls I sleep with the more it means I am an awesome dude. Kind of this way.
But I see beyond this shallow purpose of dating. Because the real confirmation you need can only be seen on how long you can keep a partner. Why? The longer you are in a relationship with your partner, the more it means you know how to keep them. In other words, it means you are great at communication, your personality is great and you both worked on the relationship to work out. However, having a high body count does not mean you are a great person. It just means you know how to woo a girl. And do not answer the question if you are worth a long-term relationship.
Casual Dating
Furthermore, I feel disgusted by people who put so much effort into casual dating. Who the fuck takes lessons and watches tutorials on how to hook up? Only people with a primitive and animalistic mindset, yes. I pity those people. Because they do not understand the true meaning of dating. Feeling good around just one partner. I can understand that many people learn these techniques to widen their society. But here I say, what about working on your career? With a good career, women and men alike come to you automatically. Instead of concentrating on the bigger picture, most men only see or only want short-term results. But if you concentrate on your goals, you kill two birds with one stone.
Long-term Dating
I do not like short-term dating. However, I do not like long-term dating either. Most guys I know, date women to pass time. Or even worse, because they feel alone. To invest everything into a partner is, in my eyes, wrong and a waste of time. Because there is no guarantee that it will work out. In the worst scenario, it will cost you your time and money. I just hate people who jump from relationship to relationship. In general, diving into something without reflecting on yourself. Most of these guys are still boys. And I do not think they are aware of it. With this attitude, they will continue to waste people’s time, especially women whose time is crucial. I starting to believe that having a partner should have the purpose to start a family.
Dating someone should be implied that you marry your partner later on. All other reason to date is just false or stupid. Hooking up? Short-term dating? For fun? You can do it but please do not set them as your highest priority. It is just pathetic. Dating someone should imply marry that person. No other reason.
That is why I feel uneasy by so many friends when they casually hook up or date for “fun”. Putting so much effort into such trivial things is pathetic in my eyes.
Summary – I am done with dating
All in all, I still and will feel uneasy about relationships. Furthermore, I am aware that I am biased about all kinds of dating. Because in my life nothing is more important than success in life. To achieve it, I sacrifice a lot. And in no circumstances, I see that a relationship would be compatible with my life right now. Like today and even shortly, I will avoid dating at all costs. Because I wasted too much on past relationships. Oh wait, I am biased as fuck.
This article is biased and should not use for education. Unlike my other blog article, this is not for educational purposes. It is only to update my situation. Because many of you had a better experience than I had. However, I know one thing. Investing in me is much better than into someone else. And I will never make this mistake again.