When you are in a relationship with your boyfriend, it comes a time where he seems not to care about your relationship. He becomes passive, lazy, unloving, distracted, or he stops giving you support. In many cases, most of you feel angry and resentful about his behavior. Especially, if you give him a lot more than he does. As a result, you are questioning his love, if the relationship makes any sense, or even a breakup. Let’s take a deeper into this and how to motivate your boyfriend to show love.
Men’s nature
Men treat each other like in a tennis game. I want to win and I want you to lose by making it hard to receive the tennis ball. This win-lose philosophy is more or less in our brains. We compete over money and reputation. This behavior makes men less social than women. As long as men take care of themselves this formula works just fine.
Imagine a guy who is at the top of all the other guys. The most handsome, strongest, most intelligent, and most successful. His life would be boring after a short period of time. Therefore, he is starting to give than gain. But giving men support or otherwise is still against the win-lose philosophy.
So, he is starting to look for a partner.
Men are motivated when feeling needed
When men are in love, they begin to care about others more than themselves. Men start to give, not out of personal interest, but because they care more. And they start to feel another kind of happiness through giving. Men experience their partner’s fulfillment as if it were their own. Hardship is easier to endure because her happiness is also his happiness. The struggle becomes easier. Because they are energized with a higher purpose.
For example, I am able to work so hard through failure and struggles because of a higher purpose. My future family is my purpose. Enduring so much for them makes me strong. Needless to say, all men are like this. If we can change things for the better through our effort, we can move mountains. You can motivate your boyfriend just by giving him a feeling that he is needed.
On the other hand, if he feels that he is not needed or he has the feeling that his actions make no difference, he starts to care less. He is demotivated to give.
Not feeling needed is a slow death for men.
Why they don’t show love anymore
Men’s biggest fear is that they are not good enough or that they are incompetent. To compensate for this, you can see many men concentrating on increasing their power or competence. Men are afraid to give because they might fail. So they don’t even try. Ironically, when men care a lot their fears increase, and they give less. So, if you gave him a feeling that he is not good enough, you know now the reason.
Tips on how to motivate your boyfriend to show love
1. Make him feel needed
If a man feels that his presence makes no enrichment to your relationship, he cares less. He needs to feel needed. It is enough to make him feel like you need him. At least emotionally. You can tell him anything. From “your presence makes my life more harmonic” to “I can’t live without you”. Most importantly, just give him a feeling that you need him somehow.
Tip #1 on How to motivate your boyfriend to show love: make him feel needed.
2. Show him it is ok to make mistakes
Men are afraid to fail, especially if it is about you. Before they give you anything, they think at least twice about how they do it. It is for the sake of success. Because if they fail, their weakness is exposed. And nothing is more deadly than this. So, if he fails or doesn’t meet your expectation, thank him anyway. Riding on the failure even as a joke is lethal.
Tip #2 on How to motivate your boyfriend to show love: show him it is ok to make mistakes.
We have the responsibility to make the other feel like a man/woman
My mother once told me that there is a reason why women and men are different. Because we balance the weakness of the other. I am talking statistically here so don’t be mad about my words. While on average men has trouble showing empathy and emotion, women are there to show them. While on average women sacrifice their life for other people, men teach women to care about themselves more.
If not in love, men tend to take more and women tend to give more. These behaviors are born out of the feeling of unworthiness to be loved.
In a man’s head, he cannot be loved when he has the feeling that he is not good enough. Therefore, he works on himself. For example, he works out or works to have a promotion in his job. In a woman’s head, she cannot be loved when she has the feeling that she is not good enough. Therefore, she gives more to prove that she is worth being loved. A typical sign is that she sacrifices her time and energy to support another person.
That is why women and men need each other. Showing each other another perspective and balancing their weaknesses.
Summary – How to motivate your boyfriend to show love
Giving your boyfriend the feeling that he is needed is the secret. That is how you motivate your boyfriend to show love. Test this out, and you will see a fast change in your partner.
Here is a word of warning. There is a huge difference between “neediness” and “needing”. When you need support desperately because you don’t trust him to get it, it is called neediness. On the other hand, “needing” is openly reaching out for support in a trusting manner that is assumed he will do his best. More about this, in the post.
