Regardless of the advice, I gave to my friends, I noticed that some couples are still breaking up. One day, they felt that their love is eternal. On the other day, they are thinking about a breakup or even divorce. Don’t they love each other? Aren’t they practicing my advice correctly? I found out that the cause lies somewhere else than the current relationship. So, if you are in the current situation, read now how we keep the magic of love alive.
Suddenly I don’t feel loved…
Have you ever felt like this?
- You may be feeling a lot of love for your partner, and then, the next morning, you wake up and are annoyed and resentful of him or her.
- You are loving, patient, and accepting, and then, the next day, you become demanding or dissatisfied.
- Your partner does something loving for you, and you feel resentful for the times in the past when he or she ignored you.
- You are happy with your partner and then suddenly feel insecure about the relationship or powerless to get what you need.
- You are attracted to your partner, and then when he or she commits you to lose your attraction or you find others more attractive.
Maybe you notice that your partner went through this as well. Here I can reassure you. This happens to every couple. It is not uncommon to feel this way. Nor does it mean that your love is dead. All you need to do is to understand the cause of these feelings.
Here is my basic advice for couples in difficult times: Why do men become silent – men and their caves, Women are like waves, Series: How to avoid arguments
The past will catch up to you
Recently close friends of mine, a couple, broke up. It was sudden. Because they were in love. Those two were the embodiment of the innocent, young love. They are in their early twenties and did cringe couple-things. For example, they share food, have adorable nicknames for each other, and even laugh about the same joke. It was cute, innocent cute. Seeing they broke up is still unbelievable. So, I dig deeper into the cause and asked.
I found out that one of them had contact with an ex. Long story short, repressed feelings appeared again. Not a feeling of love, the feeling of dullness. One of them remembered how difficult a relationship can be. By implementing the repressed feelings into the current relationship, one of them thought that their love is dead. They broke up.
The more you are in love the more your repressed feelings will show up
When you are single, the chances are high that your emotions are constant. In other words, there are no abrupt mood changes. No peak high of sadness, anger, or happiness. Everything stays within the expected margin. For example, I am single for three years now. Besides my usual happiness, anger, and sadness, I can’t call a moment where I was deeply sad, bursting in anger, or overall happy. These feelings are present but never go to the extreme.
However, once you fell in love, love is the key to unlocking the emotional potential of all. It means that love boosts other emotions as well. You get easily annoyed, angrier, sadder. But also you feel happier and more loved. This emotional overflow unlocks our repressed feelings. We feel unhappy out of a sudden. Or the opposite we feel happier.
Being in love awakens our repressed feelings. That is the reason why people who were ‘cool’ started to become moody. Don’t see it as a bad thing. More as an opportunity to deal with repressed feelings. I assure you, those repressed feelings will soon or later show up.
Keeping the magic of love alive by dealing with repressed feelings
If something upsets you, start writing a love letter for your partner. While you are writing, ask yourself, how this relates to your past. As you write, you find old memories and find out that you are upset with your father or mother. At this point, continue writing but address your letter to your partner. Then write a loving response letter. Share this letter with your partner. They will like to hear it. Because it feels great when your partner takes responsibility for the hurt that comes from the past.
Here are some examples
- After months of falling in love, Lisa suddenly became critical of her partner. As she wrote a Love Letter she discovered that she was feeling afraid that she was not good enough for him and afraid he was no longer interested in her. By becoming aware of her deeper fears she started to feel loving feelings again.
- Rachel was attracted to Phil until he said he loved her and wanted to commit. The next day her mood suddenly changed. She began to have a lot of doubts and her passion disappeared. As she wrote him a Love Letter she discovered that she was angry with her father for being so passive and hurting her mother. After she wrote a Love Letter to her father and released her negative feelings, she suddenly felt attracted again to Phil.
Like repressed feelings can suddenly appear, they can also disappear as fast.
Do you want to know more about this topic? Get more in-depth knowledge with this book: Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus by John Gray
Summary – Keeping the magic of love alive
Keeping the magic of love alive can be difficult. Just remember that negative feelings aren’t linked to your current relationship. Start writing a love letter. By writing one, you discover old memories. Deal with them by telling your partner. They will appreciate that you opened up to them and that your anger wasn’t caused by them.
Many people are struggling to find love. Why do you ruin your current relationship with a bad emotion? Appreciate what you have.