Deep-lasting attraction starts when a person is running through our minds. We are continuously thinking about them. What is this person doing? Is she/he thinking about us as well? Feeling attracted to someone is truly a beautiful feeling. Which can lead to love. But when will attraction become love? Or cam attraction become love at all? We will find it out today.
Why do we need a formula? Isn’t attraction natural?
When I was in puberty, some people called me attractive. Even though I had braces, an ugly glass, and untamed hair. So, unsurprisingly I always thought it was sarcastic. Years later some of these people corrected me. It was the vibe I had, not primarily the look. So, I started to put some thinking into this. So, the vibe, my behavior, can be attractive, too? It must be true at some point. Because back then I was ugly and lacked confidence. Can I solely attract someone with my behavior?
With time, I grew up reflecting on myself more. And found out that attraction isn’t natural at all. You can create attraction to a level. The way you talk, how you behave makes a big difference. Many people told me that I’m easy-going and that I have a good smile. But I’m also kind of mature if the situation needs to be.
That’s my attraction skill. And you know what? These behaviors are learned. What I can do, is possible for you as well. So, it’s just creating the fundaments of attraction in form of behavior.
The Formula – Can attraction become love?
The deep and lasting attraction consists of 4 components. Visual Chemistry. Perceived Challenge. Perceived Value. And Connection. Attraction can become love if it goes through these 4 traits.
Visual Chemistry + Perceived Challenge + Perceived Value + Connection = Deep and Lasting attraction
Let’s break down each of the components of this formula
What makes physical desire? What causes someone to want you? I think it is obvious. The answer is your looks. And I want to destroy a myth here for many of my insecure friends. You don’t need to look like a model. You don’t need a smile like in a toothpaste ad and porcelain skin to attract someone. If you ask people what their ideal type is, most answers are influenced by TV, movies, and ads. You will hear like a great body, sexy lips, and the perfect smile for example. We might fantasize about these things but i’s not what is ultimately going to attract us in the long run.
To understand visual chemistry, we have to differ between objective beauty and perceived beauty.
- Objective Beauty isn’t constant and changes over time. What makes a person beautiful in the 80′ is perceived as ugly today
- Perceived Beauty, which creates visual chemistry, occurs when one becomes attractive through behavior. How charismatic you are in conversation, how you carry yourself, and the display of playful and serious energy.
Perceived beauty is essential for visual chemistry. Because we influence our definition of beauty. Luckily, perceived beauty matters in a relationship. That is the reason why some people are dating people who aren’t their type. First, they don’t pay attention to them. But a behavior or a word changes their mind.
Can attraction become love?: #1 Concentrate on how you behave to things or how you talk rather than beauty standards. Also, ask a good friend or relative where your strong points are. And display it. Because objective beauty really doesn’t matter in the long run.
We always value things we have to work for. And we value less on things that are free. In other words, we are always attracted to people where we have to earn their attention. In the beginning, we are trying to test the standard of the other. Most of the time, we want to know when we are going to have sex. Sex is especially important to men. That is why the “perceived challenge” is all about that. Getting the woman to bed. Once, he has accomplished his goal, the challenge vanishes and so the perceived challenge as well.
People can fail to be perceived as a challenge when they gave too much attention. Like being overly flirty or showers the other with sexual attention. because if someone got the attention without being earned, it just kills attraction. Also, someone who displays utterly uninterested also kills attraction. I don’t know why some people think that not caring makes them attractive. Being uninterested will take you off the radar for some people.
Can attraction become love? #2 Making the other earn your attention is crucial to having a long-lasting attraction. Show them that they have to earn you.
Perceived value is what makes people more than just a challenge. If an attraction is a movie, the perceived challenge is a trailer and the perceived value is the movie. You have to show them that only you can give them experiences that alone they ould never have. Show them what makes your company so great. Show them that you are unique. It must be so great that 100 other people stand no chances against you.
Can attraction become love? #3 Show them that you have value and are seen as more than just a challenge.
Connection is what makes people realize that they can be in your company for hours. Instead, passion or sexual desire is not a substitute for connection. Because passion and sexual desire cannot hook someone up for years. So, when we just hang out and watch films makes us excited, that is connection. Connection requires us to be interested in who someone is, their life, their values, and their standards. It’s important to show on some level we understand and can relate.
Can attraction become love? #4 Make a connection to someone by appreciating their values, standard, and their character.
Summary – Can attraction become love?
Attraction can become love when the 4 traits of the formula are met.
For example, one person might be great at displaying their sexuality. He has no problem in creating visual chemistry and perceived challenges. Yet he may struggle with making a connection. he keeps everything hot, sexy, and superficial. But no one is interested in who they are in everyday life. Another person might display value and connection. Everyone loves them, but more like a brother or sister. They fail when it comes to visual chemistry and perceived challenges.
My point is, all traits must work together. Each trait might weigh different. And this is ok. That makes us individual. But that doesn’t change the necessity of being aware of each of these important character traits. And learning how to exploit them. Once you master this, attraction can become love.