I see a healthy relationship as the most precious thing you can experience. No other feeling can even compete with that. I used to believe that success could replace this. Because my past relationships are far away from healthy relationships. But now, I am thrilled with my partner. She gives me a feeling of a purpose, of further meaning, and of course true love. So, based on our relationship I summarized the 10 qualities of a healthy relationship.
1. Accept your partner’s true self
Looking back at my past relationships I never knew if I was loved by who I am. Most of them loved me for who I appeared to be. On the outside, I am charming, good with words, and have many friends. My social status and reputation among the Vietnamese community were quite good. No surprise, I had a lot of interested people. And some developed into a relationship. However, soon I realized that they loved being around me. What I can provide and help them. Once I showed my true self, they didn’t like it. Instead, we fight about it. For example, I have a nerd phase where I can play video games for a whole day. It isn’t as frequent as is supposed to be. But I need a nerd day every week.
Since I am dating my current girlfriend, I can finally be myself. Because I can say what I want, and do what I want without being judged for it. I couldn’t play video games for 1 hour. Now we play together the whole day. I had to be careful about how I said things. Now, I can joke about everything without hurting my partner. Sometimes, she even makes jokes about me. Back in the day, I had to attend social gatherings with my girlfriend. Now, I can stay at home if I want without any fights or arguments. A healthy relationship is about accepting each other and loving their flaws.
#1 Quality of a Healthy Relationship:
You accept each other and love who they are right now. I see many girls making the mistake of loving their partner’s potential. Instead of accepting him, they are waiting and hoping that he will change during the relationship. This is a risky investment. Because the results are never guaranteed. Even if he blooms, you will never know if someone else will pick him up. So, start falling in love with who your partner truly is. If you do, you won’t feel impatient. And impatience is one of the roots of a toxic relationship.
2. You always think for two people
Another good quality is that you start thinking in pairs. Instead of thinking about what you will eat, you think about what we will eat today. Instead of: “What do I need to pick up from the groceries?” It becomes: “What do we need from the grocery store?” Instead of me vs. you, it becomes we vs. the problem. You can see the pattern of what I am trying to say.
It isn’t about individuality anymore. It’s about you and your partner as a team. Because whatever you will do, think, or feel will automatically influence your partner. It becomes toxic if only one is living this. Both must have this mindset to work.
#2 Quality of a Healthy Relationship:
You already lose if you aren’t ready to sacrifice. And if your sacrifice isn’t welcomed, your partner isn’t the right one. A relationship is meant to be a team. You need each other. That’s what a healthy relationship is supposed to be. Without thinking as a team, what is the purpose of a relationship? I guess it’s just sex then.
3. Trivia Things excite you
It isn’t a surprise when a relationship cools down. When you start dating, everything is exciting and new. You can feel the spark. Holding hands, kissing, and sharing the bed for the first time is great. However, with time everything feels natural. Some couples tend to break up due to the missing spark.
But what if I tell you that this isn’t the root of the problem? It isn’t about excitement. It’s about the partner you are with. Because you feel excited about the “firsts” only. In other words, imagine exchanging your current partner with someone else. Is it exciting because everything is new? Or is your partner exciting? A healthy relationship should feel exciting all the time. All the time.
For me, it’s just fun to go outside walking with my partner. Just watching the sky, eating a snack, and chit-chatting. Even going to the grocery store is exciting. It’s not the spark that you are missing. It’s the right partner.
#3 Quality of a Healthy Relationship
Just being with your partner should be fun. It feels harmonious just to be with each other. Even when you are in the same room, it should feel great. Don’t look to find an adventure in your partner but rather peace and harmony. Look for excitement in different activities with your partner.
4. You respect each other
Respecting each other’s feelings and dignity is important. I experienced a lot of times when the partner didn’t care about the other. They don’t respect their feelings by ignoring them, for example. So, the best way is good communication. For example, I told my girlfriend to tell me about her feelings. No matter how small they are, she has to tell me about it. So, I can listen to it. Because in her previous relationship, her ex played down her feelings. As if her feelings were meaningless or something unimportant. This, however, is shutting your girlfriend down. By suppressing her feelings she will grow resentment.
Another thing I observed is damaging your partner’s dignity. Just making fun of him damages the relationship. Why out of all the people your partner is making of you?
#4 Quality of a Healthy Relationship
Start respecting each other’s feelings and dignity. Don’t play down your partner’s feelings. It doesn’t matter how small the issue is, listen and light her up. Just doing this simple trick, will boost your relationship to another dimension.
5. You complement each other weakness
The best part of being in a relationship is that you have a partner. Not a partner for only spending some time but also to help you grow as a person. In other words, a person that can complement your weakness. For example, my girlfriend is shy. She is shy about asking for a table or time. That’s why, I’m the one who does it. While she stands behind me, I have no fear of approaching someone. On the other hand, I have an impulsive decision-making. Things that sound great the first time are unveiled as inconveniences later. Therefore, my girlfriend helps me by showing different viewpoints and possible outcomes. Since she helped me, I overcame my weakness.
In the best-case scenario, you and your partner should always help each other. But what if both of you are shy or impulsive? It’s not surprising that can end badly. Therefore, someone has to step up. While the other is shy, the other one should become self-confident. This way your relationship becomes more balanced and healthy.
#5 Quality of a Healthy Relationship
Complementing the other weaknesses is a quality of a healthy relationship. So, do you have to look for someone different than you? No. Changing for the sake of the relationship by their own choice is a true act of love. Imagine being afraid of conflict. But your partner is even more afraid. Would you let it slide if someone insulted your partner? Your better half? Of course, you won’t. If you love your partner. This is a good sign for a healthy relationship.
6. Trusting blindly
I think everyone has trust issues. Some have minor some have major problems with it. Some are afraid of being cheated and others are afraid of losing their partner. No matter how hard we try to overcome this fear, a little will always remain. The future is too unpredictable to guarantee it. It will be harder once you are married.
A woman is feared to lose everything. All the effort and time will be in vain. Because women have a harder time finding a new partner. Especially when they have kids and are in their 40s+. Men on the other are afraid of losing half their assets and not seeing their kids again.
#6 Quality of a Healthy Relationship
So, how do we overcome this feeling? The possibility of being betrayed by your partner? It’s simple to change your point of view. Instead of seeing it as a loss, you should be grateful for the good time you had. Accept that everything might come to an end and let go. It seems harder than it sounds. Especially, when you are hurt. But if it hurts, it means somewhere that you had a good time. If you think of your partner try to remember those. Make a clean cut and try to move on. For the sake of your mentality, try to overcome it.
If you are over your partner, you shouldn’t feel regretful. Be grateful that you experience something that makes you stronger. And for the next relationship, give everything you have. Don’t change yourself because someone hurt you. You just had the wrong partner. Maybe your next partner will appreciate your effort and trust. Keep going it.
7. You support each other and accept help
Relationships often fail because personal egos are too huge to overcome. Because getting support is a sign of weakness. Most men think that way. In addition, women who claim that they are independent are refusing support as well. On both sides, they are refusing support. Instead, they are helping themselves. As a single, I would prefer this approach. But not in a relationship.
Couples are designed to support each other. Either with advice and help or just by listening. Isn’t it the beauty of a relationship? That you have a partner you can count on? I also believe that supporting each other helps their mental and physical condition. And prepare them for kids. I don’t think that someone wants to become a single father/mother.
#7 Quality of a Healthy Relationship
A good quality of a healthy relationship is giving and receiving support. Every opposite mentality to it is straight-up a toxic relationship. Because a lot of people with this anti-support mentality often have trust issues or are bored fast. That will show in their attitude. I have a whole series about this topic. But in short, men who don’t feel loved don’t give support/love, etc. While women who don’t feel loved don’t accept any support/love. You can use this to measure your relationship.
8. You are genuinely interested in the life of the other
If your partner shows their curiosity in your daily life, it’s a good sign. I’m not talking about the small-talk interview at the beginning of the relationship. But about the genuine interest of your partner. Because it shows that your partner is interested in you being a long-time partner. In addition, it’s a sign that your partner is concerned about your emotions and well-being.
9. You know how to handle conflicts over time
Fighting in a relationship is normal at the beginning. But only at the beginning tho. If you are still fighting over the same things, it isn’t a good sign. With time you should know what leads to a fight. Even better you know how to handle conflict or even avoid it. It’s hard to remain cool during a hot fight. But remember that your significant other is in front of you. Take a deep breath and try not to insult. Insults are unforgivable. Your partner will remember it. Also, stop to nitpick every small issue. Reread points #1, #2, and #4.
Everyone makes mistakes. I hurt my girlfriend a lot. She cried a lot because of me. Even though, I promised myself that I wouldn’t hurt her. But even with the best intentions, hurting your partner is inevitable. It helped me a lot that she told me what I did wrong. What most women don’t do, unfortunately. Because I respected her as my partner and cared about her feelings, I listened and learned a lot. Since then I have never made her cry.
#9 Quality of a Healthy Relationship
In a healthy relationship, both know how to handle discussions and fights. It should be normalized to talk about their feelings without being judged. We both can talk about it freely. How we felt, what hurt us. With it, we can work on what leads to a great relationship.
10. You can see a future with the other
A good sign of a healthy relationship is if you both think of the future. A future of your marriage and kids. If you can’t imagine a future or if you have the slightest doubt, chances are high that you won’t make it far. But it isn’t only about a potential future. It’s also about your actions toward this future. In other words, you consider the future depending on your decision-making. Easier things, can’t be decided too quickly or alone.
#10 Quality of a Healthy Relationship
You will consider it more thoroughly. For example, will this job help my future family? What happens if the relationship with her/his family stays bad? Will it affect something? As you can imagine there are much more things to consider now. But this is a great quality of a healthy relationship.